One week had passed since the inaugural broadcast. Twelve hours remained until the second episode. In the hidden office at the highest level of the business complex attached to Ultima Stadium, the owner and the general manager were in conference.
"I must say I'm impressed," Orthros said as he wobbled on the top of his desk. "Things are off to a promising start."
"They are indeed," Heisenberg replied. "We sold out for tonight within thirty-six hours of the first show. Merchandising is only ten percent below projections, and the advertiser buy rate is five percent above projections. It only took the boys three days to repair and upgrade the Ultimasphere, and they brought it in under budget. All in all, I'd say we're a hit."
The octopus burbled happily. "Indeed. I look forward to tonight's show." After a pause, he inquired, "How are the fighters adjusting to the accomodations?"
"Yeah, about that," Heisenberg said slowly. "A couple of the guys who are more savvy about dimensional travel and such...they're calling bullshit on our explanation."
Orthros chuckled. "And well they should. It's complete bullshit."
"So...you mean we really could let them go home after the show every week, and bring them back for the next show, and—"
"It would actually be less of a drain on our resources and gross than housing them all here," Orthros said, nodding.
"Ooooo...kay," Heisenberg drawled, brow furrowed. "So...we're keeping them all here when nothing's going on...why?"
"You still have a lot to learn, I see," Orthros said. "You must not have watched much reality TV back home."
"Never cared for it," Heisenberg confirmed.
"Well, it's like this," the octopus explained. "Rivalries and alliances don't form in a void. If we just put fighter after fighter after fighter in the ring week after week and there's no drama, nothing happening that doesn't happen right in the ring...it'd get boring really fast."
"But by forcing them all to live here on this island, training and eating and relaxing and whatever else it is they do all under the same roof..."
"You get interpersonal relationships that develop naturally, and that are then played out for drama in front of the weekly audience."
Heisenberg nodded. "That...makes a lot of sense, actually."
"So, have we gotten everyone settled in?" Orthros asked. "After all, this isn't Survivor. I want the fighters to be comfortable here."
"They seem to be adjusting well," Heisenberg reported. "The ones I was worried wouldn't are doing better than I thought. The Freeman boy's grandpa and little brother showed up and moved in with him, but they're not causing any problems. Nobody's killed anybody yet and nobody seems too homesick." He chuckled. "The boys even managed to build a boiler room for Freddy. We don't even NEED a boiler room, but they built one anyway, just because that's Freddy's thing."
Orthros laughed. "And it keeps him from getting out of hand around the other fighters."
"That too."
"Any problems we don't have tacked down yet?"
"A few," Heisenberg admitted. "Mainly, some of the fighters either haven't selected their intro music yet, or weren't happy with it after last week and want to change it again. I've decided it's officially Not My Problem, and told Ferb to deal with it. Same goes for the problems the graphics department is having."
"Oh? What problems?"
"Eh, some of the fighters think their fight card portraits are a little stale, those five girls are bitching about everything from their ring intro to their bio page on the website, and until this mess with the ring intro music is settled, they can't even start on the permanent video clips for the fighters. I told them hey, we're only in our second week here, everything doesn't have to be perfect yet."
"I'd rather have as much perfect as possible, but I agree...for now, as long as the show itself is running smoothly, that's all that matters."
Heisenberg stood up, stretching a kink in his back. "Well, I've got final checks to run down before the show."
"How are the treatments going, by the way?" Orthros asked.
"Hm? Oh...Madame Pomfrey says I need two, maybe three more rounds and the cancer will be gone forever." He scratched the bridge of his nose. "The giant squid says hello, by the way."
The octopus chortled.
* * * * *
Haruhi and Kyon were prowling the backstage corridors of the stadium. "We're not even on the air yet," Kyon pointed out.
"Duh! That's why we're taping interviews," Haruhi replied with a roll of her eyes. "Never hurts to be a little bit ahead...ah! Here comes someone. Hello! Excuse me!"
The young woman Haruhi had waved to stopped, blinking. "Me?" she asked.
More or less a teenager, she wore a plain, "I didn't think about what to put on this morning" style dress, leather boots, an odd-looking helmet, and large, thick glasses. Strands of purple hair spilled out of her headgear in odd directions, and a heavy toolbelt was strapped around her waist.
"Yes, you," Haruhi confirmed. "Got time for an interview?"
"An interview? Well...uh...sure," the girl replied, blinking.
"Great!" Turning to her cameraman, Haruhi put on her game face. "And now, we're here with..." She pointed her microphone in the other girl's face by way of prompting.
"Oh! Um...my name's Lucca," the bespectacled girl said. "I uh...live on the second floor."
"Yes...I think I've seen you before," Haruhi said. "So, are you a competitor?"
Lucca laughed. "No, no...I'm just part of the tech crew. I prefer working on machines to fighting any day."
"I see," Haruhi said. With a sigh, she motioned for Kyon to stop tape.
"Now, this good friend of mine, he's fighting in this thing," Lucca went on. "You might bump into him, but don't expect much of an interview. He's not very talkative."
"Well, hopefully he'll open up a little if I find him," Haruhi said. "It was nice talking to you!"
"Thanks," Lucca said before bustling off down the corridor.
"Still want to try to get ahead?" Kyon asked, smirking. "It might help if you got the boss to give you a checklist or something..."
Haruhi thumped him.
* * * * *
"Crono..."
A sleeping figure stirred, eyes screwed shut in a futile attempt to hang onto the last vestiges of slumber.
"Crono!"
Eyes blinked open in the darkness.
"Good morning, Crono!"
Bright light as curtains were thrown wide, allowing the morning sun to spill into the room.
A young man with wild, spiky red hair sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head. Next to the bed, a pretty, perky girl with long blond hair stood, hands clasped behind her back. "Rise and shine, sleepy-head! You've got a big day today!"
Crono's brow furrowed in thought. Then, his eyes widened in realization.
"That's right, you're fighting your first match in that Ultima thing today! So you'd better get ready and get your practice taken care of so you can go. I'll be rooting for you!"
A kiss on the cheek, and Marle skipped merrily out of the room, humming to herself. Crono chuckled, stood, and stretched.
Marle was right. Today was a big day.
* * * * *
"Ha-haaa! Best thing you ever did, boy!"
"Yeh-yeh, we gon' be rollin' in bitches af'a dis, Huey!"
Huey scowled at his brother and grandfather, who were getting a little too personal with some of the money from his first week's pay at Ultima. "I'm NOT doing this for money," he said. "Money's just the man's way of controlling—"
"Man, control deez nuts," Riley interrupted. "Who cares why you doin' it? You rollin' phat! An' you whupped that mu'fucka Freddy Krueger like ka-POW! Aw yeah."
"You DO like whuppin' motherfuckers," Grandad pointed out.
Huey sighed.
"An' now I can go buy one'a those nice e-lectric cars!" the elder Freeman said.
"Electric? What about Dorothy?" Riley asked.
"Nigga, fuck Dorothy! Im'a get a Caddy with a nice smooth ride and an engine that don't need no gas—"
"You know electric cars are just a smokescreen," Huey pointed out. "The fact that the car itself isn't burning fossil fuels doesn't change the fact that the electricity it runs on is in fact still produced by burning oil and coal..."
"But it's CHEE-PER to DUH-RIIIVE, Huuu-eey," Grandad interrupted. "An' bitches love a man who rolls green."
Huey sighed. Ignorance would not be defeated.
But maybe his opponent would. If he could figure out how to beat a rubber man.
Huey had a title match to prepare for.
* * * * *
Umi was in the middle of a vending machine run, stocking up snacks for the girls to enjoy while watching the show, when a very spooky man silently approached her. "Your loss last week was unfortunate," he said in a soft, sonorous voice.
The blue-haired girl jumped in shock, nearly spilling her change. "Don't sneak up on people like that!" she cried.
The man chuckled. "Sorry."
"And yeah, that fight kinda sucked," Umi said, shaking her head and going back to selecting items from the vending machine.
"You have great potential as a mage," the tall, pale man said, sizing her up. "Your magic is unrefined...I could teach you. I could help you reach levels of skill and power you can only dream of."
Umi stared at him, apprehensive. "Oh yeah? And what would I have to do in return?"
"Nothing," the pale man said. "Simply accept my tutelage and become a stronger mage."
The schoolgirl frowned. "Okay, assuming I believe you...why make this generous offer?"
An old, scarred pain flickered across the man's face, his eyes darkening. "You just...remind me of someone. Someone I lost a very long time ago."
Umi snorted. "Yeah, right. An old girlfriend?"
"No," the man said quietly. "My sister."
Umi blushed, looking down. "Oh. Um...sorry."
The man sighed. "I have a match tonight. I will display my skills as a sorcerer. You can decide whether or not to take me up on my offer after that." Without waiting for a reply, he swept away down the hall, cape fluttering behind him.
Umi stared after him for a long moment. "Creepy guy..."
"Good evening, fight fans!" Haruhi, cheerful and fanservicey as ever, smiled into the camera. "I hope you're ready for tonight's amazing spectacle of violence! But before we get to the action, I'm here to tell you a little about this wonderful venue we're coming to you from!"
"Papaya Island. This bustling little tourist community is best known for hosting the Tenka-ichi Budokai, a martial arts tournament held every three years. In recent years, the Budokai has seen a decline in attendance as past champions have elected not to participate, feeling it would be unfair to the newer, less powerful contenders.
"Since the revenues weren't even paying for the upkeep of the Budokai stadium anymore, the Tenka Monks decided to sell the arena to Ultima LLC, which rebuilt it into the glorious edifice I'm standing in right now!
"Of course, a large part of the original Budokai stadium was in fact a temple, so we've paid to have that portion of the site relocated to Satan City on the mainland. The monks assure us that the gods won't punish us for building our facilities on sacred ground. We can only hope they're right!
"And now, it's time to give you what you came for..."
* * * * *
The monks who usually ran the Budokai were not without their role to play in Ultima.
They ran the concession stands and merchandise booths.
The monk currently running the west side concession stand paled as, with a great deal of commotion, a massive, shirtless man with white-gold hair and mad, bloodthirsty eyes threw the customers in line out of his way and stormed up to the window. "KA-KA-RO-TTO," he roared menacingly.
"Anou..." The monk trembled. "He doesn't fight here anymore."
There was a long pause.
"CO-CA-CO-LA," the monstrous man rumbled.
"H-hai!"
"AND POP-CORN. WITH BUT-TER."
The monk sweatdropped. *I thought this job would get LESS weird...*
* * * * *
"Hello again, everyone, and welcome to ULTIMA!" The crowd's applause nearly drowned out Jumbo's exuberance.
"We have something special for you this week," Koiwai said, and the crowd DID drown him out. "All three division titles are on the line tonight, as the winners of last week's bouts compete to become Ultima's first champions. Also, we have a special Division T match that's guaranteed to delight and amaze."
"So we're gonna start things off tonight wiiiiiiiiith...the DIVISION! R! TITLE BOUT!" Jumbo roared. "So let's get things underway...break it down, Harima!"
The announcer walked into the ring and raised his microphone. "The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit! The winner of this match will be awarded the Division R title belt and become the first division champion! Now entering the ring...HUEY FREEMAN!"
The crowd roared approval as the young black boy strode into the ring, wearing all black with a black leather trenchcoat, and a katana slung across his back.
"And his opponent, the notorious rubber pirate....MONKEY D. LUFFY!"
Luffy entered the ring, waving cheerfully to the fans. As he reached the ring, he smiled at his opponent.
Huey raised an eyebrow. "You always this...happy?"
"I try to be," Luffy said. "You should try it, it's good for you."
"Not my thing," Huey replied, unsheathing his sword.
"Heeeeeeeeeh...you sound like my nakama Zoro," Luffy said, rubbing his nose with his forearm. "Well, whatever. Let's do this!"
As Harima left the ring, Koiwai frowned at something he was hearing over his earpiece. "Folks, I've just been informed that our robot referee is having...technical difficulties. But not to worry, we have a substitute referee for just such an occasion."
A blond, dark-skinned, blue-eyed, buxom beauty bounced down the catwalk, waving cheerfully at the crowds. She was wearing white pants and a black-and-white striped tank top, and her curly hair bounced almost as much as her ample chest. "Hi~iiiiiii!" she called into her microphone. "I'm Mihoshi! I'm gonna make sure everyone plays fair and has fun!"
The crowd certainly did not seem to mind.
Huey rolled his eyes. "Great, we really needed a ho for a referee."
"That's not very nice," Luffy chided. He smiled at the substitute referee. "Hi! Nice t' meetcha!"
Jumbo coughed into his microphone. "Um...you guys can start the match any time, you know." With that, the gates locked, reminding all three people in the ring that there was a title bout underway.
Huey drew his katana, settling into a basic kenjutsu stance.
"The Freeman boy seems to be hoping that Luffy's stretchy rubber body can be cut as easily as normal flesh," Koiwai said.
"Heeeh," Luffy said, eyeing Huey's sword. "That could hurt somebody, y'know..."
"That's the idea, rubber man," Huey replied, angling his blade and watching his opponent warily.
Luffy put his hands behind his back and grinned cheekily. "Come get me!"
Huey's eyes narrowed. He charged forward, prepared to strike but watchful for any tricks. As he thrust his sword at Luffy's midsection, the pirate abruptly fell sideways, hands still behind his back and still grinning.
Except that he only fell from the knees up, and he stretched his upper legs as he fell, allowing him to swing around and get behind Huey's unprotected back. He grabbed the young boy by the neck and hurled him straight up into the air.
"INCREDIBLE!" Jumbo shouted. "A daring and bold tactic from the stretchy scalawag!"
Once Huey was airborne, Luffy planted his hands on the canvas and did a handstand, then straightened his legs above his head, pressing the soles of his feet together. "GOMU-GOMU NO YARI!" His legs shot straight up, rocketing like a spear towards the now-descending Huey.
Who still had his katana, and who twisted and pivoted in midair, delivering a glancing slash to the pirate's legs as he narrowly avoided the attack.
"Eet-CHAAA," Luffy grunted. "That hurt!" His legs snapped back to normal length, causing him to wobble like a foam noodle on the canvas. A faint line of blood trickled from a shallow cut on one ankle.
"And Huey counterattacks after that unexpected throw!" Jumbo yelled. "But he's still coming down pretty fast, folks..."
Huey landed neatly in a crouch, sword extended to his side, head bowed. As the crowd cheered, his head snapped up, eyes fixed sharply on his opponent, who had now flipped himself upright. The pirate assumed a sloppy boxing stance; his grin had been replaced by a cocky smirk.
"You're not bad," Luffy said. "This could be fun."
Huey dashed forward, still crouching low; his sword was positioned for a nasty upwards slash. Luffy stretched his arms up and back, grabbing onto the top rail at the edge of the ring. Just as Huey's sword came up to open the pirate's belly, Luffy yanked himself up and back, flinging his body well past the rail and nearly hitting the security barrier. He then twisted his body to the side, letting go of the rail with one hand and pushing off to give himself added momentum. "GOMU-GOMU NO..."
Huey went on guard.
"HELICOPTER!" Luffy finished. Faster than Huey could block, the pirate's legs swung in low, first one then the other. The first hit knocked Huey's sword out of his hands, and the second sent him crashing into the rails.
"AMAZING!" Jumbo cried. "This pirate is just full of surprises, folks!"
"Psst!" a voice hissed. Huey risked a glance down and saw a steel folding chair slide under the bottom rail. Tucking into a forward roll, he snatched up the chair and sprang up just as his opponent's fists came flying at him faster than he could follow.
"GOMU-GOMU NO GATLING!"
Huey began batting away the pirate's fists with the chair.
"And a well-timed outside assist for Huey! Good thing for him the ref didn't see that..."
After about twenty seconds of this, Luffy finally let up, shaking his hands. "That kinda stings a little!" he said, grinning.
Huey raised an eyebrow. "Punchin' steel like that just STINGS a little?" he asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, just a little."
"...damn."
"Where'd you get the chair, anyway?" Luffy asked, tilting his head.
"Hey, yeah, where did that come from?" Mihoshi asked, blue eyes wide.
"From outta my ass," Huey muttered, rushing Luffy and belting him under the chin with the chair. The pirate's head snapped back nearly 180 degrees.
Mihoshi's eyes grew even wider. "Umm, wouldn't that really really hurt?"
"Not very bright, is she?" Koiwai muttered.
"With a body like that, she doesn't need to be," Jumbo said.
Luffy and Huey continued to trade blows; Huey's chair was buckling and crumpling under the pirate's assault, and his hands were aching with the force of repeated blows. *Damn...there's just gotta be a way I can...* Huey's thoughts were interrupted by a sharp increase in the volume level at ringside, where cries of alarm and panicked shouts were rising over the cheering and catcalls of the crowd.
"And there's some commotion at ringside...what's going on over there?" Koiwai wondered.
An elderly black man had walked down the entrance catwalk and was leaning against the gate through which Huey had entered the ring. Suddenly, he started clutching at his chest and moaning in pain. "Oh! It's the big one! Oh, I feel it! This is it! Oh, lordy lord!"
Luffy halted in his attack. "Huh?"
Mihoshi saw the old man and panicked. "OH MY GOD! Somebody call a doctor! That poor man is dying!"
"We seem to have a man suffering a heart attack at ringside," Koiwai said. "Why exactly he's on the catwalk is anyone's guess..."
Mihoshi rushed over to the side of the ring. "Hey! Unlock this thing!"
Huey shook his head and sighed.
The gate unlocked and Mihoshi rushed over, taking hold of the elderly man by the shoulders. "Sir, maybe you should sit down...where are those medics! We really need some help here!"
With her back turned, she failed to notice the small black boy who vaulted onto the catwalk and strolled right into the ring, moving to stand in between the two fighters.
Luffy blinked. "Oi...who're you?"
"I think I smell a rat," Jumbo said.
"Yeah...this is pretty obvious. But what good is it going to do Freeman?" Koiwai wondered.
"Riley," Huey hissed. "The HELL you doin'?"
"Shh!" Riley hissed back. "I got dis. Jus' play it coo'."
Huey sighed.
Luffy was still blinking in confusion. "You two know each other?" he asked.
Meanwhile, at ringside, the paramedics had finally arrived and were busy loading the elderly man onto a stretcher. As soon as the bubbleheaded blond referee returned her attention to the match, Riley turned on Huey, drawing a gun from the back of his pants, and trained it on his brother. "I SAID DIE, BITCH-ASS NIGGA!"
"H-HEY! HEY!" Mihoshi squeaked in alarm. "You can't—this is supposed to be..."
"DON' WORRY 'BOUT IT, LUFFY, I GOTCHA BACK!" Riley shouted.
"...huh?" Luffy asked, tilting his head.
"HEY! NO! FOUL!" Mihoshi cried, shaking her head violently. "NO OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE! Luffy is DISQUALIFIED! The match and the title go to Huey!"
Riley smirked and put his gun down as the audience erupted in a wave of jeers and boos. Luffy just stood, slack-jawed, completely at a loss.
Harima re-entered the ring and presented Huey with the Division R belt, which he slung unceremoniously over his shoulder and left the ring, his little brother in tow.
WINNER
"And in a stunning upset, Huey Freeman wins the match by disqualification!" Jumbo roared. "I smell foul play!"
"We all smell foul play," Koiwai said. "I mean, it's obvious foul play. Obvious to everyone except that airhead referee. Anyway...we'll be back with a special Division T match right after this."
* * * * *
"That was a bitch move, Riley," Huey said as they left.
"Yeah, so?"
Huey shrugged. "Just sayin' it was a bitch move."
"So why doncha give 'em back th' belt then?"
"Cuz I've seen enough shows like this to know bitch moves are part of the game," Huey replied. "Somebody'll bitch me out of the title sooner or later."
"Yeah," Riley agreed. "But hey, you da champ, nigga! Woodcrest represent!"
Backstage, Huey ran into Haruhi. "Congratulations on your amazing title win, Huey-kun!" she said cheerfully. "Even if you did totally cheat."
"I didn't cheat," Huey said. "This dumb little nigga here cheated."
Riley grinned cheekily. "Waddup?"
Haruhi shook her head. "You're just lucky that bimbo referee is all tits and no brains," she said.
Huey shrugged. "That's the game," he said. "Excuse me." He walked past Haruhi and her cameraman.
"Hey wait!" Haruhi called. "Don't you have anything you want to say to our television audience?"
Huey paused. "Well, actually—"
"Oops, we're out of time! It'll have to wait until next time!"
* * * * *
"And we're back, folks! And now, it's time for a very special Division T faceoff!"
"Due to the special circumstances and the high probability of massive amounts of collateral damage, this match will be fought in the Ultimasphere," Koiwai said.
"So let's go live to the Ultimasphere, where our competitors are just about to arrive!"
The screens around the arena suddenly flickered and were filled with the visage of Heisenberg.
"Looks like the big boss wants to say something before this match," Koiwai said.
"For those of you who didn't know this, Heisenberg-san is the general manager and head booker of Ultima," Jumbo explained.
//Thank you for the introduction, Jumbo,// Heisenberg said. //I'm sorry to cut in like this, but I have to explain something about one of the fighter groups you're about to see.
//We ran into a little technical snag when we were collecting and recruiting these ladies. You see, it turns out they exist in several alternate universes, and each version of them is somewhat different from the others. Well, basically, we had a mix-up. We intended to recruit them from one universe, sent all the data to our tech and graphics departments so they could prepare the website and ring graphics for these girls...and then the recruiting team picked up their counterparts from a completely different universe.
//Now, the fighters we DID pick up have agreed to take part in this, since it's too late to do anything about it now, but because of the screw-up, the information we've provided on the Ultima website and to our announcers isn't going to match the team we ended up recruiting. We're working on it, and hopefully it won't take long to sort everything out, but for now, please excuse the confusion.//
Heisenberg's face disappeared from the screen, replaced by the Ultima logo. Koiwai blinked. "Um. Wow. Okay, didn't expect the boss to go public with admitting a major screw-up like that, but...well, you heard him folks! We'll work on it."
"The important thing here," Jumbo said, "is that either way, we're still gonna get a showdown for the ages with this next match!" The crowd cheered. "So, let's get on with the show!"
The screens around the arena displayed a sprawling, neon-lit cityscape at night. There were no stars and no moon, yet the city was brilliantly illuminated by signs, traffic, lighted windows, and eye-stabbing advertisements of all sorts. In the near distance, a shining tower of iron stood, lit up more brightly than a full moon.
"What you're seeing is a simulation of Tokyo," Koiwai explained.
Harima and a red-skinned female Lantern appeared atop a skyscraper, silhouetted in the light of Tokyo Tower. "The following match will be fought under special Last Man Standing rules," Harima explained. "All members of both teams will compete simultaneously, and the battle will continue until only one team remains standing." He paused dramatically. "Now entering the arena...a team of young superheroes who have saved the lives of millions of innocents from everything from megalomaniacs to interdimensional demon warlords! When there's trouble, you know who to call...the TEEN TITANS!"
A black portal swirled into existence beside the announcer, depositing the five famed heroes.
"And their opponents...Tokyo's urban defenders, the beautiful warriors of legend...THE SAILOR...SENSHI!"
A tremendous cheer went up from the stadium crowd as five sailor-suited girls appeared in a bright silver flash.
Harima was teleported away, and the referee, Katma Tui, rose into the air, folding her arms and watching intently.
"I think I see what Heisenberg-san meant," Koiwai said, looking from the graphic that had filled some of the hanging screens, and back to the screens displaying the gathered fighters. Those girls..."
For the most part, the girls who had appeared looked remarkably similar to the group displayed on the monitors. However, by and large they looked less than pleased with the situation; the Senshi with the blue skirt and lighter blue bow looked positively pissed, the Senshi with red boots and an ornate brooch on her bow had a hard set to her jaw, and the red-skirted Senshi, unlike her picture in the fight graphic, had broad, black-feathered wings.
"Duuuuuude," Beast Boy breathed, gaping at the Sailor Senshi. "I think I'm in love."
"With which one?" Raven asked, raising an eyebrow.
"All of 'em!" Beast Boy replied. "Seriously, we get to fight five really really cute Japanese schoolgirls! How awesome is THAT?"
Robin sighed, shaking his head, and stepped forward. The Senshi with long ponytails and red boots stepped forward as well, meeting him in the center of the street they had been deposited on. "You're Sailor Moon, right? I've heard about you. It's always an honor to meet a fellow superhero."
The Senshi frowned. "Okay, I'm only going to say this once, so listen up. My name is SERENITY. I am SICK of that 'Sailor Moon' crap."
Robin blinked. "Um...I'm sorry. I didn't know. Honest mistake."
//It's not your fault, Robin,// Heisenberg's voice called from a loudspeaker hidden somewhere in the Ultimasphere. //In your universe, she IS called Sailor Moon. In the universe she's from, that's just a name the Japanese media came up with for her.//
"Oh, I see." Robin nodded. "I'm sorry for the mistake, Serenity-san." He bowed.
Serenity looked him over, then nodded. "I apologise for my outburst as well," she said. "Taking my annoyance out on you when you have caused no offence is...inappropriate."
A loud clearing of a throat above them drew their attention. The referee descended between the two team leaders, limned in emerald light. She gave Robin a respectful nod, which he returned. "Alright, just so we're all clear on the rules here," she said, "this is a five-on-five match. All five members of each team will fight at once. Teaming up to take out one opponent is permitted. Downed fighters will be eliminated from the match by ten-count. The match will end when all members of one team have been eliminated." She rose higher into the air. "You may begin," she said.
The two team leaders nodded to one another. Their teammates formed up behind them, each team eyeing the other warily, sizing up the opposition.
"Titans, pair off!" Robin called. "I'll take Serenity!"
"Then I shall battle the girl with the wings!" Starfire said. Her chosen opponent nodded to her, and the two rose into the air.
"I'll fight the girl with the really big—" Beast Boy started. At Jupiter's harsh glare, he hastily said, "—bow! Yeah, that girl with the bow in her hair." Venus smirked at him, then motioned for him to follow her as she moved clear of the group.
"I've got the big girl," Cyborg announced, striding over to Jupiter.
Raven eyed the last Senshi. "I guess that leaves us, then." The blue-haired Senshi said nothing.
"And as expected of true heroes, the Titans are pairing off with the Senshi for one-on-one battles!" Jumbo announced.
"I hope it doesn't stay one-on-one for the whole fight," Koiwai said. "If there isn't at least some double-teaming, the crowd'll get pissed."
* * * * *
"Please, may I ask your name before we do battle?" Starfire asked her opponent.
"I am she who is called Mars," the flying Senshi said.
"I am Starfire," the Tamaranian said. "I will endeavor to not injure you too terribly."
"Thine concern is appreciated, but unwarranted," Mars replied as a sword of flames appeared in her right hand. "For I shall overcome thee."
With a powerful beat of her raven wings, Mars charged Starfire in midair, flaming sword swinging. Starfire flew sideways out of her path, eyes glowing as she charged two starbolts. She hurled the green energy blasts at Mars, who parried them with her sword. The starbolts tore through the surrounding buildings, raising clouds of dust as chunks of debris fell to the street.
"A moment, please," Starfire said. She flew up to the referee and asked, "Excuse me, but the terrain here is all a holographic illusion, is it not?"
The referee nodded. "Everything here's fake. It has mass and feels real, but it'll disappear as soon as the fight's over."
"Thank you," Starfire said. "You have been most helpful." Satisfied, she flew down to street level. Mars watched her curiously.
The winged Senshi's eyes widened as Starfire picked up a car and flew back up to her level. "Now, shall we resume our battle?" Starfire asked.
* * * * *
"INCREDIBLE!" Jumbo shouted.
Koiwai's eyes were wide as he stared at the screen. "Okay, I did not see that coming."
"Already, Sailor Mars is in trouble!" Jumbo boomed. "How will the other Sailor Senshi fare against these amazing heroes?"
* * * * *
"So...you ever play football?" Jupiter asked Cyborg.
"I used to," Cyborg said. "I was pretty good too."
"That so?" Jupiter grinned nastily as a long, thorn-studded green vine appeared in her gloved hand, arcs of electricity crackling along its length. "I really hate football players." With a yell, she charged, lashing out with her vine like a whip. A massive arc of electricity leapt from the vine with a crack of thunder; it struck Cyborg, knocking him back as it coursed over his metal body.
"Shit, I would hafta go pick the one who can shoot lightning," Cyborg muttered.
* * * * *
"Hi, I'm Beast Boy!"
"I'm Venus. You're...green."
"Yeah, I get that a lot," Beast Boy replied. "Wanna maybe go out later?"
"...sorry, I'll have to take a pass on that," Venus replied. "So, are we going to fight?"
With a sigh, Beast Boy said, "Might as well." With that, he transformed into a massive green grizzly bear.
"Gah!" Venus cried, taking a step back. "Now I wish I'd said yes..."
* * * * *
"Beast Boy has the ability to transform into pretty much any animal that exists or ever existed," Koiwai said in a bored tone.
"An interesting power," Jumbo said, "but will it be enough to carry him through to the end of this match?"
* * * * *
"Your green friend is an idiot," Mercury observed casually, arms folded.
"Yes. Yes he is," Raven agreed, leaning against a utility pole. "You don't seem especially interested in fighting."
"Truthfully, I'm not even sure what we're doing here," Mercury said. "This is pointless."
"Everything is pointless," Raven said.
* * * * *
Robin leapt at Serenity, probing her defenses with a series of kicks. She backflipped away from him, then charged in and aimed a flying kick at his head. He blocked, then exploited the opening by grabbing her ankle, pivoting at the waist, and throwing her at a parked car. She grunted as she landed, then sprang to her feet. "CRESCENT MOON!" she yelled; a sliver of silver energy streaked away from her, nearly ripping through Robin's cape as he dodged. Two more blasts forced him to retreat behind a post box, then to scamper across the street as the top half of his shelter was shorn off.
"Okay, that's a much more dangerous attack than I expected," he admitted.
"That's not even my best one," Serenity said.
"But you suck at hand-to-hand," Robin added. "So all I have to do is..."
He dashed in close, zig-zagging to avoid Serenity's attacks, then whipped out a telescoping metal staff from his utility belt. Spinning it above his head, he ducked low and jabbed one end into Serenity's solar plexus. When she doubled over, he followed with a strike to her chin, then swept her legs out from under her. When she landed on her butt, he pressed her flat against the ground with the end of his staff. "Yield," he suggested.
Serenity's cat-like smile was his only warning.
* * * * *
The crowd in the arena cheered wildly. "This match is off to a roaring start!" Jumbo exclaimed.
"A clash of wildly different strategies and abilities," Koiwai said. Examining his iPad, he added, "These Sailor Senshi appear to have quite a different skill set than our data indicates, particularly Sailor M—err, Serenity."
"But can these girls handle the Teen Titans?" Jumbo wondered.
"And will Raven and Sailor Mercury ever actually do anything?" Koiwai asked.
* * * * *
Things weren't looking up for Venus.
"LOVE MACHINE!" she cried, spraying a stream of glowing golden heart-shaped projectiles which tore through the space between her and her opponent, exploding whenever they hit something. Unfortunately, the "something" they were hitting steadfastly refused to be her opponent, who she had discovered could also turn into flying creatures. Presently, he was a small green bat, too fast and agile to hit with her attack.
Beast Boy swooped in low and began flapping madly around Venus' face. She let out an alarmed yelp and began swatting frantically at him with her hands. Suddenly and without warning, he transformed into an elephant and landed on her, squashing her flat.
* * * * *
"OUCH!" Jumbo cried.
"And the green boy who turns into animals has pinned his opponent," Koiwai said. "It looks like Sailor Venus might be the first one down."
* * * * *
Raven winced. "That looked like it hurt."
Mercury frowned. "Apparently your friend's abilities compensate for his idiocy."
"He wouldn't be a Teen Titan if he wasn't good at what he does," Raven said.
"Hmm...your metal friend appears to be in trouble," Mercury noted.
* * * * *
"Hey! Watch it!" Cyborg shouted as another snap of Jupiter's vine whip sent an arc of electricity flying at him. He dove to the side, rolling on the ground; when he came up, his right arm had transformed into a cannon. It gave a loud whine as it charged, then fired a powerful sonic pulse at Jupiter. The tall Senshi was blown off her feet and slammed into the front of a building.
"Gotta keep this girl out of range," Cyborg muttered as he charged his sonic cannon again.
* * * * *
"Sailor Jupiter appeared to have the advantage over Cyborg in this fight, but that sonic cannon is a strong defense against her electric offense."
* * * * *
Mars frantically dodged another swing of Starfire's makeshift weapon. Even as she did so, a pair of green energy blasts slammed into her side, spinning her around. While she struggled to regain control, Starfire swept up behind her and slammed the front end of the car into her back. Mars screamed as she fell to the ground.
"I am truly sorry!" Starfire called down to her. Then she let out a yelp as a needle-sharp icicle bit into her wrist, forcing her to drop the car, which crumpled as it landed two meters away from the downed Senshi.
* * * * *
"And it looks like Sailor Mars is down!" Jumbo exclaimed.
"I wouldn't be so sure," Koiwai said. Even as he did so, Mars slowly pulled herself to her feet, bracing her hands on her knees and wincing in pain. One of her wings looked rather badly dented.
"She's up! She's not out of the fight yet! But can she take much more punisment?"
* * * * *
Raven raised an eyebrow at Mercury. "Nice shot," she said.
"Your friend was wide open. I merely felt Mars could use the assist."
"You do know you're supposed to be fighting me, right?"
"The rules were quite clear," Mercury replied. "And as you seem disinterested in fighting me..."
A tire from the wrecked car, wreathed in a black aura, bounced off the side of Mercury's head, knocking her to the ground.
* * * * *
"And Raven and Sailor Mercury finally get into this fight!" Jumbo cried. "That was an incredible yet sneaky attack!"
* * * * *
Robin let out a panicked yelp as the brooch on Serenity's chest opened and a column of blinding silver light slammed into him, throwing him half a block away.
Serenity picked herself up, dusted herself off, and tore a signpost out of the ground, stalking calmly toward her downed opponent. Even as Robin started to rise, Serenity laid into him with her makeshift weapon, landing repeated blows to the head, back, and shoulders. As he lay still on the ground, Serenity raised the signpost for a finishing strike...
...and it was blasted out of her hand by a starbolt.
"I will NOT allow you to harm Robin!" Starfire yelled, flying in low and tackling Serenity in the chest, knocking her down the street.
* * * * *
"NOW it's getting interesting," Jumbo said. The crowd roared its approval.
* * * * *
When Venus came to, she found Beast Boy sitting cross-legged on her stomach, pinning her down. "Hi," he said brightly. "Sorry about that."
"That bloody hurt, you prat," Venus grumbled.
"Well, yeah...this is a fight. Fights kinda hurt."
Venus sighed. "Yeah yeah, I know. Mind getting off me?"
"Not until you agree to have dinner with me," Beast Boy said with a cheeky grin.
"Have dinner with THIS, mate," Venus said. She shoved her hands right into his face, smiling evilly.
"LOVE BUSTER!"
A green forcefield absorbed the blast, and Katma Tui dropped to the ground beside them. "Sorry, but you're out," she said.
"Huh? What?" Venus asked, blinking.
"He knocked you out and pinned you for ten," the Lantern replied with a shrug. "Since you didn't realize it yet, I'm not disqualifying your team for an illegal hit, but just so you know, you're out of the match."
Venus sighed. "Bollocks," she said. She extended a hand to Beast Boy. "Good on you, mate."
Beast Boy shook her hand, smiling.
* * * * *
The crowd cheered the show of sportsmanship. "And Sailor Venus is the first one down!" Jumbo said. "It's five on four now...the Titans have the advantage!"
"But will it be enough?" Koiwai asked. "Sailor Venus seems to be the only real weak link on the Sailor team."
"But I'm sure the Titans have plenty of aces up their sleeves!" Jumbo roared. "This match could go either way, folks!"
* * * * *
Mars frowned. Seeing that her original opponent was otherwise occupied, she formed a longbow from flames and took aim at Beast Boy.
"FLAME SNIPER!"
A bolt of fire streaked toward the green-skinned Titan; before he could react, he was engulfed. He screamed as he dropped to the ground, rolling around to extinguish the flames.
Mars dashed toward him, flaming sword blazing in her hand. She descended upon him just as he had finished extinguishing himself. "Thou shalt be the next to fall!"
Yelping, Beast Boy turned into a cheetah and zipped away from the winged Senshi before she could score a hit with her flaming sword. He then leapt into the air, turned into a pteranodon, and divebombed her as she recovered from her thwarted strike. With a cry of pain, Mars fell to the ground, wings limp at her sides.
* * * * *
"UNBELIEVABLE!" Jumbo boomed. "It doesn't seem possible, but Beast Boy has taken down TWO of the Sailor Senshi!"
The crowd noise was deafening as Katma Tui administered the count and declared Mars out by count. She wrapped the winged Senshi in a cocoon of green light and levitated her to safety, then summoned the medical team.
* * * * *
"Damn," Serenity hissed as she traded energy blasts with Starfire. "We're already down two..."
"And soon it shall be three!" Starfire said, eyes and hands blazing green as she lobbed a furious volley of starbolts at the Senshi leader.
Serenity's eyes narrowed. "I've just about had enough of you," she said. Her hair stirred in a nonexistent wind; the brooch on her chest flared with silver light...
...and a pair of silver angel wings burst forth from her back.
Starfire, taken aback, stopped firing, staring in surprise.
As Serenity took to the air, a gleaming crystal saber appeared in her hand. She glared at Starfire, mouth a thin, grim line. "Don't think you can take me down with the same trick you used on Mars," she said.
"Then I shall discover a different method of defeating you!" Starfire promised as the two fighters rose into the air. Far below, Robin rose to his feet, shaking his head groggily. He looked up and gasped. "Starfire...!"
* * * * *
"By all rights, Robin should've been ruled out by count," Koiwai said, "but the referee was too busy dealing with the other counts to take him out of the fight."
"That aside, how did Serenity do that?" Jumbo wondered. "There's nothing in our data about her being able to fly or having a sword!"
"Well, yeah, our data's wrong," Koiwai reminded him. "Serenity sure is full of surprises. What else is she capable of?"
* * * * *
Mercury rubbed her head and glared at Raven. "Alright, I suppose it's time to do my part for this farce..." She extended her hands, and a thick fog filled the street where the two combatants stood.
"Please," Raven snorted. "Is this the best you can do?" The fog turned black, then dissipated. However, Raven was forced to dodge as a hail of needle-sharp icicles filled the air where she had just been standing.
Raven's eyes narrowed. "Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!" The remainder of the crushed car rose into the air and hurled itself at Mercury. She dodged nimbly, but failed to notice the section of sidewalk which had risen up behind her; it slammed into her back, staggering her.
Raven leapt forward, silently thankful for the lessons she'd taken from Robin as she snapped several fast kicks into Mercury's midriff. The Senshi grunted in pain, but didn't fall. Her head snapped up, and she smiled acidly.
"FROST DUSTER!"
Raven found herself encrusted in a thick layer of frost. Before she could react, Mercury stepped forward and slammed a haymaker into her jaw, dropping her. Raven's eyes rolled back into her head.
* * * * *
"AMAZING!" Jumbo roared. "Sailor Mercury doesn't look like much, but she just FLATTENED Raven!"
"Neither of them are very physical fighters," Koiwai noted. "Also, I believe Sailor Mercury is hurting from Raven's attacks. She might not be much of a factor in the rest of the match."
* * * * *
Jupiter had been driven into a corner by Cyborg's sonic blasts. She glared at him, impressive chest heaving as she gasped for breath. Her fists were clenched and trembling. "I'm not losing to some walking junkpile!" she declared.
"Hey! I'm top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art hardware, lady!" Cyborg retorted.
"You'll be top-of-the-heap, shit-of-the-art scrap when I'm through with you," Jupiter replied.
A green kangaroo sprang out of nowhere, kicking Jupiter violently in the stomach, then punching her twice in the face. She staggered, spitting out a gob of blood.
"Yo, B," Cyborg said, "I got this one, okay? Cool out."
"Dude," Beast Boy replied as he turned back into his normal more-or-less human form, "I don't wanna see you get your circuits fried!"
Jupiter swayed on her feet; her sweat-soaked bangs fell into her eyes as she glared at the two Titans. "Ganging up on me?" she asked. "Not a problem, I've been in that situation more times than you can imagine."
"Look, don't get so heated up," Cyborg said. "This ain't nuttin'a get all pissed off over."
"Yeah, be cool, babe!" Beast Boy said. "Your cute friend didn't get all mad when I beat her, so..."
"You'll have to excuse Jupiter," an ice-cold voice said from behind them. "She has a particularly nasty temper."
That was the last thing Beast Boy heard before two fists sheathed in a thick coating of ice slammed over his head, knocking him out cold.
* * * * *
"And now Mercury's scored two!" Jumbo shouted.
"Meaning the two teams are now even," Koiwai said.
* * * * *
Cyborg whirled around and faced Mercury, who was shaking cracked ice off her hands. "Aw hell no," he muttered.
"Freeze or fry," Jupiter said, a savage gleam of triumph in her eyes. "Choice is yours, robo-butt."
"Hey, leave my butt outta this," Cyborg said.
"Enough pointless banter," Mercury said. "FROST DUSTER!"
Cyborg found himself covered in a crust of ice. He smirked. "Oh, come on. You think I can't defrost myself?"
"Oh, I'm sure you can," Mercury replied, "but not fast enough. Jupiter!"
"Yosha!" Jupiter pumped a fist, which crackled with electricity.
Cyborg's human eye widened in realization, his jaw dropping. "Oh sh—"
Arcs of electricity surged, snapped, and popped over Cyborg's body, conducted by the shell of ice. As the ice melted and turned to steam, smoke began rising from Cyborg's bionic components, and his glowing red eye dimmed. The lights in his implants flickered, flashed, and faded; a few of them burst with impressive flashes of light. The mighty Titan toppled to the ground with a loud metallic crash, completely inert.
Katma Tui descended and examined him. "Still alive, but he needs to be transported to medical immediately." No sooner had she finished speaking than Cyborg disappeared.
* * * * *
Jumbo gasped. "What a devastating double-team tactic!"
Koiwai frowned. "They could have killed him," he said. "These Senshi are really dangerous. And now there are only two Titans left standing."
* * * * *
Robin stared at the two Senshi who had just eliminated two of his teammates, jaw working furiously, fists clenched, wracked with a rare case of indecisiveness. High above, Starfire continued to exchange blasts with Serenity, who was proving somewhat more agile than the Tamaranian.
"Robin! Leave their leader to me! I am confident you can defeat the other two!"
"Right," Robin said. He dashed toward Mercury and Jupiter, who watched him approach, Mercury with a calculating and dispassionate gaze, Jupiter with a cocky, predatory grin.
Starfire turned her full attention to her opponent. "You are quite a worthy challenge," she said. "I salute you, and I hope that some day, I have the opportunity to battle alongside you."
Serenity smiled. "Thank you. You're not bad yourself."
The Tamaranian's eyes blazed green. "But you hurt Robin, and that I will not forgive."
"Oh, I see, he's your boyfriend," Serenity said, nodding. "No wonder you came after me the way you did." She shrugged. "What can I say? This is a fight, people get hurt in fights."
"I am aware of this," Starfire said. "And that is why..."
A massive icicle pierced Starfire's thigh.
Serenity chanced a glance at the ground. Jupiter had forced Robin onto the defensive by making massive, thorn-studded, electrified vines sprout from the ground, surrounding him and flailing away at him, trying to ensnare him. This had freed Mercury to take a shot at Starfire. Grinning, Serenity rushed forward and tackled the Tamaranian in midair. As Starfire fell, she charged up a powerful attack.
"FULL MOON!"
Starfire let out a shriek of pain as she was driven into the ground, cracking the holographic pavement below. Katma Tui descended, examined her, and declared her down by knockout.
* * * * *
"And the Titans are down to their last man!" Jumbo yelled. "This one looks like it's all over, folks!"
"It certainly looks that way," Koiwai said. "Even though things got off to a rocky start for the Senshi, they seem to be outmatching the Teen Titans with some surprising and unexpected skills."
"And an astonishing brutality for such a group of cute girls!" Jumbo added.
* * * * *
Robin eyed his remaining adversaries.
Jupiter's fists were crackling with electricity; the vines surrounding him were lashing at him and snapping arcs of deadly current. Mercury was wreathed in an aura of cold; more icicles were beginning to form between her outstretched hands. Serenity was descending like a wrathful angel, poised to strike the finishing blow.
Robin nodded grimly. "Right. Playtime's over."
The leader of the Titans drew his extendable staff again; as it extended to its full length, he began pulling other things out of his utility belt. He slapped a rubber grip around the center of the staff and mounted two birdarangs on the ends, creating a makeshift double-bladed halberd, with which he began decimating Jupiter's army of vines. Their electric charge failed to bother him as he mowed them down; ducking low as he approached the two grounded Senshi, he threw a trio of gas pellets. As they exploded, wreathing Jupiter and Mercury in tear gas, he used his staff to pole-vault high into the air, landing atop a utility pole. From there, he threw a flash bomb at the two Senshi below; shielding his eyes from the glare, he fired a grappling line at the nearest building and swung up to the roof. Serenity followed him, firing Crescent Moons at him; he ducked, rolled, and twisted to evade each attack.
* * * * *
"And Robin is demonstrating incredible skill, speed, and dexterity! He's incapacitated two of the Senshi, but they're not out of the fight yet!"
"He seems intent upon taking out Serenity, then dealing with the other two," Koiwai said. "But can he really handle all three of them himself?"
* * * * *
Robin backflipped to the opposite edge of the roof, drawing Serenity in closer. He watched her patiently; then, as if guided by some invisible signal, he sprinted toward her, using his staff to fling himself high into the air, flying toward the angelic Senshi with incredible speed. Two birdarangs flew from his hands, striking her wings close to where they met her back. She cried out in pain as she wobbled in the air and fell onto the rooftop. With a grim smile, Robin landed beside her, pulling out a length of high-tensile cord, with which he hogtied her.
The referee raised an eyebrow at the tactic, but calmly counted Serenity out. As soon as she reached the ten count, the Senshi leader's struggles ceased and she sagged against the asphalt with a sigh. "Nice move," she conceded.
"You okay?" Robin asked.
"Hai," Serenity replied. "I guess it's up to Mercury and Jupiter to finish the job."
Robin smirked. "They can try." With that, he sprinted to the edge of the roof and leapt off, firing a grappling line with which he swung down to street level.
With a fierce battle cry, Robin descended upon Mercury, driving both heels into the back of her head; when she planted her face in the pavement, he picked her up by the ankles, swung her around in a wide circle, and hurled her at Jupiter like a hammer. The tall Senshi squawked in surprise as her ally crashed into her, sending them both sprawling against the side of a building.
Landing in a crouch, Robin pulled a spherical device from his belt, pressed a stud on the side, and threw it. A steel cable net spread out and enveloped the fallen Senshi; once the net had snapped taut, he tossed a sleeping gas pellet through one of the holes in it for good measure.
Katma Tui landed beside him, observed the two incapacitated Senshi, and shook her head. "The Sailor Senshi have all been eliminated. The victory goes to the Teen Titans!"
WINNER
There was a deafening roar in the stadium as fans cheered, stomped their feet, and waved signs. "And there you have it!" Jumbo yelled. "An unbelievable end to a spectacular match! And we're just getting warmed up! Don't go anywhere, because there's lots more INCREDIBLE fighting action just around the corner, live here on ULTIMA!"
* * * * *
Haruhi intercepted Robin en route to the infirmary. "Congratulations! That was a spectacular win!"
"Thanks," Robin said. "I don't really like fighting other superheroes though. I mean, outside of training and friendly sparring. That match..." He frowned. "That match got way too ugly."
"Well, that's because a couple of those Senshi kinda have bitchy attitudes," Haruhi said. "Your friends all fought clean and kept their cool, for the most part."
"Yeah, but I hope we don't have another fight like that anytime soon," Robin said. "That kind of thing just gets way outta hand."
The leader of the Titans walked past Haruhi without a word of farewell to check on his teammates. "Well, I guess I'll throw it back over to the announcer's booth now!" the cheerful reporter said.
* * * * *
"Welcome back, fight fans! It's time for a little Division S action!"
"I'm told by our crew that the two competitors for the next match are old acquaintances," Koiwai said. "Once bitter enemies, later allies in a struggle for the fate of their world..."
"So this should be a VERY interesting match!" Jumbo said. "Let's go right to the Ultimasphere..."
On the screens, a frozen wasteland appeared. Atop a withered, lifeless tree stood Katma Tui, arms folded and expression calm.
Beneath the referee, at the tip of an icy promontory, a tall, pale figure wrapped in a deep purple cloak stood, long pale blue hair stirring in the chill wind, revealing elegantly pointed, elfin ears.
A blue portal irised open, disgorging a young man wearing a blue gi, an orange scarf, worn-out boots, and a white headband. His enormous, spiky red bangs fell across his face, but somehow avoided obscuring his sharp, alert eyes. A katana hung sheathed at his waist.
The gaunt elf released a snort of dark laughter. "So...it is to be as it once was...fate again brings us to the field of battle..."
He turned, brushing his long hair away from his pale, drawn face. His mournful grey eyes fixed upon his opponent, and he tugged at his brown suede gloves, smirking. "Prepare yourself, Crono."
With a cocky smirk, Crono unsheathed his shimmering prismatic katana and settled into a ready stance.
Magus extended one hand, and a translucent pyramid snapped into place around him just as Crono blurred, spontaneously appearing directly in front of the dark warlock and slashing violently with his katana. The sword clashed against the forcefield, sparks of magic flying as the enchanted blade bit into the mystic shield. Smirking, Magus chanted a word of power; the air around Crono began to superheat, and the swordsman was forced to retreat as the power of Magus' fire spell transformed half the promontory to a cloud of steam. Crono skidded in the snow, sliding down the mountain; a moment later, Magus appeared behind him, still shielded, and unleashed a bolt of black force at the swordsman's unprotected back.
Slammed hard by the shadow spell, Crono tumbled downhill, but recovered gracefully, springing into a guarded crouch and glowering at his opponent. He extended one hand and unleashed a searing bolt of lightning, which caromed off the sorcerer's force shield.
"Hn. Pathetic." Magus returned fire with a massive web of thunderbolts, which Crono deflected with his sword. With an inarticulate yell, Crono charged; blurring, he separated into four copies of himself, each of which rushed Magus with a low, sweeping slash. The mystic wall shielding the warlock's body shattered like glass as the multiple Cronos blurred together into one, who then leapt into the air and descended on the unprotected Magus in a downward stab. Magus hastily drew his scythe, blocking Crono's strike. Magus was forced into a low crouch; Crono pressed his attack, entire body crackling with energy as he pushed HARD with the blade of his sword, driving Magus a half-pace back.
As though by some invisible signal, the two warriors leapt apart from one another, landing in wary stances on the frozen ground. Magus grinned evilly. "So, you have not lost your edge."
Crono smirked at him, making a come-hither gesture.
"UOOOOH! What a SPECTACULAR battle we have here, folks!" Jumbo cried. "A truly amazing display of skill and raw power!"
Magus began to chant a spell; he rose from the ground, floating on a wave of power. As he reached the end of his chant, he thrust both hands forward. A solid shaft of destructive black magic erupted from the sorcerer, streaking toward his opponent.
At the same time, Crono sheathed his sword, raised his arms, and began a chant. He too parted ways with the ground, his spiky red hair standing straight up. A crackling dome of light formed around him. Facing Magus, he thrust his arms outward in mimicry of his opponent's pose. The blinding light dome abruptly collapsed inward and became a streaking shaft of crackling golden light, arcs of lightning snapping along its length as it collided with Magus' shadow bolt. The beams of opposing force met with a tremendous thundering crash; the two mages strained against one another, each determined to overpower the other's mightiest magic.
"OH MY GOD! This is incredible!" Jumbo cried.
The maelstrom of conflicting magics swelled into a strobing, sparking, swirling ball of light and shadow. A full minute passed before the collision reached critical mass; a tremendous explosion sent Magus and Crono both flying. The icy landscape had been utterly destroyed, a huge spherical zone of devastation marking the magical meltdown.
When the cameras found the combatants again, they were locked in intense physical combat, sword and scythe flashing and clashing in furious arcs. Blocking a vicious sweep, Crono lashed out with a foot and caught Magus hard in the solar plexus. The dark mage crumpled; Crono leapt high into the air and descended, spinning with blinding speed and tearing into his opponent like a blender pureeing a tomato. Magus was sent flying, green-grey blood streaming from dozens of cuts as he slammed into the frozen ground. He grimaced, struggling to push himself up, glowering at Crono.
The swordsman sheathed his blade and cupped his hands, gathering a ball of light. His hair and clothes stirred in a magical wind as he pumped a torrent of heavenly thunder into the fallen sorcerer. Magus twitched once and fell back, eyes closed and unmoving.
"The winner by knockout, Crono," the referee announced.
WINNER
"What an AMAZING match!" Jumbo roared.
"It was indeed," Koiwai said. "And we've got a Division R match coming up on the other side of the break, so stay with us."
* * * * *
"Haruhi here! Look, here comes Crono! Hey, Crono! Over here!"
The spiky-haired swordsman looked up, blinking, and walked over to the bunny-girl reporter and her cameraman.
"That was such an incredible match! You're amazing!"
Crono bowed slightly.
"So, I was talking to a friend of yours earlier. It seems not only are you a powerful warrior, but you're soon going to be crowned king of your home country!"
The red-haired lad scratched the back of his head, laughing sheepishly.
"Anything you want to say to the fans? Any words of wisdom or just plain trash-talk?"
Crono tilted his head back, tapping one finger against his lips, brow furrowed in thought. After a silent moment, he seemed to have considered what to say, and opened his mouth, about to speak...
"Ack! We're out of time! Sorry, Crono! Back to Koiwai and Jumbo."
* * * * *
"Are you sure this is gonna be okay?"
In a dressing room at Ultima Stadium, a young boy sat on the vanity bench, talking into a blue handheld device. On the screen of said device, a tiny figure moved about; this figure was smiling reassuringly.
//Of course it is. You trust Papa, right?//
"Of course I do! It's just..."
//We tested this thing already and it works. There's nothing to worry about!//
"I guess you're right." The boy sighed. "I'm just nervous. I've never done anything like this before. I mean, before when we battled, it's always been you. I just—"
//It was never just me. I couldn't do what I do without you there backing me up. We've always fought together, as one. And now we're doing it again...just in a different way.//
The young boy smiled. "I guess you're right. Okay...I think I can do this."
//That's the spirit!//
* * * * *
"Welcome back, folks! We're just about to get on with the second Division R match of the evening. Let's go right to the ring..."
Harima lifted his microphone. "Our first challenger...hailing from Go City, the lady with the flaming green fists of death, the undisputed queen of nasty...SHEGO!"
The pale-skinned, raven-haired woman in green and black spandex strutted down the catwalk, lobbing a few balls of green fire straight up at the ceiling to work up the crowd. As she entered the ring, she leaned lazily against the rails, examining her fingernails.
"And her opponent, from Akihara Town in Densan..."
A young boy in shorts, an orange vest, and a wide blue headband glided up the catwalk on rollerblades, paying rapt attention to a device he was carrying.
"Wait a minute," Jumbo said into his microphone. "That isn't him. That isn't the fighter we're supposed to be seeing."
Shego scowled. "Hey kid, I think you took the wrong door coming back from the bathroom. This is the ring."
The boy looked up absently. "Huh? Oh, yeah, I know. Gimme a sec, okay? I gotta get ready."
"Get ready...?" Shego asked.
"For our match," he replied. He was busy sorting through what looked like a pile of SD cards he held in one hand, and occasionally inserting one into the device he was holding. "I hope this'll be enough..."
//It's fine. We'd better synch before that lady over there gets mad.//
"Right." The boy took another device out of the pocket of his shorts and attached it to the one he was holding with a loud, sharp click, then hung both around his neck on a nylon cord. Closing his eyes, he extended his arms to his sides.
"FULL SYNCHRO...ROCKMAN.EXE!"
The blue device flared brightly, and descending columns of streaming blue and green light engulfed the boy. His attire changed in bright blue flashes, a costume and bits of armor forming on his body: skintight black spandex with tapering seafoam green stripes along the sides, blue boots and gloves, a hi-tech looking blue backpack, and a dark blue helmet with a row of yellow ridges running along the center. A red-and-gold emblem appeared on his chest. As the streaming light show faded, he opened his eyes—which were now green instead of dark brown.
Shego raised an eyebrow. "Okay that was interesting."
Jumbo's eyes widened. "Uooooh! Now THAT'S the guy we were expecting to see! But what was that just now? A henshin?"
"Looks that way," Koiwai said.
The black-and-blue clad boy in the ring rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry about that. We can only Full Synchro for thirty minutes, so we kinda waited until we got in the ring."
Harima was blinking at the transformed boy, but shook his head and raised his microphone. "As I was saying...from Akihara Town, please welcome...I think...ROCKMAN.EXE!"
Harima and Mihoshi switched places in the ring and the gates locked.
"Okay before I beat the crap outta you, kid," Shego asked, arms folded, "I just gotta know what all that jazz was about just now."
"Huh?" Rockman asked. "Oh! The Full Synchro?"
"Yeah, that, whatever."
"It's a long story," the boy explained. "Let's just say that I'm two brothers joined together as one, to fight together with all our might. I'm Rockman.EXE...and I'm gonna win!" With that, his left hand blurred and changed form, becoming a small arm-mounted cannon. He fired a volley of plasma shots at Shego, who leapt high into the air.
"Okay and NOW I'm taking you seriously," the green woman said, lobbing a fireball. Rockman rolled out of the path of the blast and fired off another volley; one shot actually grazed Shego's leg as she landed, and she hissed. "Yeah that's gotta go."
"We've definitely got a fighter here!" Jumbo exclaimed.
Shego had closed ranks and was fighting Rockman hand-to-hand now. Surprisingly, he was holding his own, but her green-powered punches were starting to cause damage. "Okay," he said, "I think it's time for...SWORD!"
Rockman's helmet crest glowed brilliantly, and his right hand blurred, reforming into a sword with a brightly glowing energy blade. It looked wickedly sharp, and made a loud whooshing noise as he swung it at Shego's midsection.
The green woman's eyes widened. "Oh crap."
The crowd cheered. "AMAZING! This Rockman kid is full of surprises!" Jumbo cried enthusiastically.
Shego backflipped away from her opponent and started lobbing fireballs again. Rockman effortlessly cleaved through them. "SHOTGUN!" he shouted, and the crest of his helmet glowed brightly again...
A veritable hail of plasma shots rained out of the cannon that had formed from his left arm. Shego dodged frantically, but took several painful hits, and dropped to the mat in a low crouch, snarling. "Okay kid, you're starting to piss me off now." Fists glowing, she charged forward...
"STONE CUBE!"
...and smashed painfully into a large block that appeared out of nowhere. "Ow," she muttered as she toppled backwards, landing on her butt.
"And now the finisher!" Rockman said. "GUTS PUNCH!" Both his weapons blurred, reshaping into hands; however, the right hand was five times the size of the left, and clenched in a deadly-looking fist. He cocked back the massive fist and slammed it into the stone block, sending it skidding across the canvas and smashing into Shego.
"OUCH! That's gotta hurt," Jumbo exclaimed.
The cube shattered, its pieces derezzing into pixellated data before disappearing entirely. Unfortunately for Shego, the pain and massive contusions suffered from the impact remained very real. She collapsed on the mat, unconscious.
"Rockman-kun wins!" Mihoshi said cheerfully, hoisting the young boy's arm.
Cheers erupted through the arena; Rockman waved to the crowd, then closed his eyes and began to glow. The armor he wore pixellated and fell away from his body, sucked back into the blue device slung around the neck of Hikari Netto, who reappeared in his place. Netto skated up the catwalk to the backstage doors, all smiles and good cheer.
WINNER
"An astounding match!" Jumbo declared. "Stick around, folks...up next we have the Division T title match!"
* * * * *
"Hi there!" Haruhi chirped as she bounded over to the orange-vested boy. "That was a great match just now!"
"Thanks," Netto replied, rubbing the back of his head.
"Your story about how you transform into that cool blue fighter though," the bunny-girl said. "You didn't really explain it. Is it like Kamen Rider W, the guy we saw last week?"
"Eh-heh..." Netto laughed nervously.
//I can answer that,// a voice piped up from the blue handheld worn around the boy's neck.
Haruhi blinked and peered down at the little screen, where the blue-armored fighter was waving for attention. "Eh? Hey, Kyon, get a tighter focus on this!" As her cameraman complied, Haruhi leaned down, all seriousness. "You're Rockman, right?"
//That's right,// Rockman replied. //Normally, I'm Netto-kun's Net Navi—his partner in exploring the computer networks of our world. We've had a lot of fun together, and we've also been in some scary situations—we've fought cyber-terrorists, evil Navis, and lots of dangerous viruses.//
"In our world, computer viruses show up as kind of digital monsters," Netto added. "Net Navis have to use cyber-weapons to fight them, and operators upgrade their Navis with custom kits and Battlechips—special weapons with amazing busting power."
"Like the sword and that cube you conjured up?"
"Exactly."
"Okay, so if this is all computer stuff, how'd you do it for real?" the interviewer asked.
//I'm different from most Net Navis. My program was created using the DNA of Netto-kun's twin brother, Saito. I remember being Saito, even though I was a baby when I died. Papa made me that way.//
"EH? You were a real boy and now you're a computer program?" Haruhi asked, eyes wide.
//That's right,// Rockman replied. //Since we're twins, Netto-kun and I have a special bond, and that's why we're able to use Full Synchro. The device Papa and his colleagues made sort of...inverts reality and cyberspace, letting us merge together in the real world, so Netto-kun can fight with my powers.//
"Heeeeeeh...that's amazing!" Haruhi cried. "Your dad must be really smart!" She paused. "But that whole turning-your-dead-son-into-a-computer-program thing is a little creepy..."
"It's not creepy!" Netto argued. "It's because Papa couldn't stand to lose Saito-niichan, and did everything he could to save him!"
"Right, right," Haruhi said. "Sorry. Anyway, we're all looking forward to seeing you fight again. Good luck, you two!"
"Thanks!"
//Thank you!//
As Netto and Rockman skated off down the hall, Haruhi turned and faced the camera. "Back to Koiwai and Jumbo!"
* * * * *
"You ready, Hinata?" Naruto called from the other side of the shy girl's dressing room door.
"H-hai," Hinata replied timidly, opening the door and stepping out into the hall. "I'm ready."
Naruto nodded. "Good. You're gonna go first tonight, okay?"
The Hyuuga blinked. "Eh? Me? Go first?"
"Well, yeah," Naruto said, scratching the back of his head. "The whole point of us bein' here is trainin', right? And last week I kinda got carried away and finished it way too fast." He smiled, eyes closed. "So tonight it's your turn to kick ass."
Hinata turned crimson, poking the tips of her index fingers together. "I...alright. I'll try...not to mess up..."
Naruto frowned. "That's not the right attitude," he said. "You're supposed to say 'I'll wipe the floor with those guys! Believe it!'"
"That's...a little too bold for me..."
The blond ninja sighed. "Whatever. We both know you can take 'em, so let's get out there and show 'em what you're made of."
Hinata smiled timidly. "A-alright..."
* * * * *
"And we're back! Next up is tonight's second title match!"
"These two teams both took some heat last week for their winning tactics," Koiwai said. "It'll be interesting to see what happens when they face off."
"And here come the fighters," Jumbo announced.
"The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall, with a time limit of thirty minutes, and the winners will receive the Division T champion belts!" Harima informed the audience. "First, the young ninja duo...TEAM KONOHA!"
Naruto and Hinata walked casually down the catwalk, the blond smiling and waving around, ignoring the catcalls from some of the spectators. Hinata entered the ring, seeming to try to shrink into her oversized jacket.
"And their opponents...MAX AND MONICA!"
The time-travelling teens entered to a mixed pop. Just as before, Monica entered the ring first, Max leaning against the turnstile.
Harima left the ring, and Mihoshi flounced in.
Monica smiled somewhat apologetically at her younger opponent. "I'll try not to be too rough on you," she said. She tilted her head slightly. "Are you okay to fight? I mean, your eyes..."
"What...what's wrong with my eyes?" Hinata asked.
"Um...well..."
"I think she thinks you're blind, Hinata," Naruto called from the catwalk.
Hinata frowned. She was used to being patronized, criticized, and condescended to. But somehow, this girl's polite, sweet, gentle concern, well-intended as it was...
...annoyed her. Without warning, six shuriken found painful yet non-lethal homes in Monica's arms and legs.
"Well, I guess that proves she isn't blind," Koiwai quipped wryly.
Monica hissed, gritting her teeth, and slowly extracted the sharp weapons, tossing them aside. "Okay," she said in an irritated tone, "if that's how you want it..." Suddenly, a sword was in her hand. It wasn't the same weapon she had used previously; this sword was a dull black double-edged longsword with dark silver engravings along the length of the blade. The overall shape of the blade was reminiscent of a clock hand, save for the pair of batwing-like protrusions that jutted from its edges at the mid-length. Above the blood-red grip, the hilt looked like the slavering maw of a hideous, one-eyed monster with enormous fangs. She pointed the blade at her opponent. "This might hurt. A lot."
Hinata settled into her Juuken stance, mouth set in a hard, grim line. She beckoned to the redhead with one hand. "I can hurt you a lot worse than you can hurt me," she informed Monica. After a pause, she added, "Believe it."
At ringside, Naruto grinned.
"The little ninja girl looks pissed," Koiwai commented. "I can't say I blame her, but..."
"Just how many swords does this Monica chick HAVE, anyway?" Jumbo asked, adjusting his glasses. "Because that sure isn't the one she had last week."
"Yeah," Koiwai nodded. He shuddered. "This one's kinda giving me the creeps."
Hinata formed a series of hand seals. "BYAKUGAN!" Her already-pale eyes became even whiter, with veins bulging visibly around them.
With a wordless shout, Monica charged, lunging at Hinata. The ninja jumped, toes briefly touching down on the blade before she sprang forward and nailed Monica not once, but twice in the forehead with a spinning kick. As Monica staggered, Hinata catapulted herself backwards in a somersault, then produced several more shuriken, which she threw at the redhead. Monica parried them with her sword, then fired off a searing blast of fire magic. Hinata formed a series of hand seals and seemed to split in three; the fireball hit one of her bunshin, which vanished in a puff of smoke. The remaining two Hinatas flanked Monica.
"We saw Naruto pull this trick last week," Koiwai reminded the audience.
Monica's eyes narrowed. "I was watching when your boyfriend did this to that Kim girl," she said. "I'm not falling for it. Neither of you is real."
"Sorry, but you're wrong," one of the Hinatas said softly. It was Monica's only warning, and it came too late as a glowing blue knife-hand strike pressed into her left shoulder.
Monica screamed in pain, her left arm dangling limply.
"What just happened?" Jumbo cried, gaping at the ring.
"According to our data, Hinata has the ability to disrupt the flow of energy in her opponents' bodies," Koiwai said, "resulting in a sort of temporary paralysis."
Monica gritted her teeth and raised her sword. "I can still fight," she ground out. Yelling, she charged, swinging her sword overhead in a shaky one-handed grip.
"Surrender now," Hinata said. "Spare yourself the pain."
"Not happening!" Monica replied. As she thrust her sword at Hinata, the shorter girl ducked low and inside Monica's reach, striking out with a glowing hand. Her palm touched Monica's right knee, and the princess stumbled, her right leg skidding out from underneath her. She caught herself on her sword, burying the tip in the canvas, and glared up at Hinata through her bangs. "Not...good enough..."
"Monica seems to be seriously out of her league here," Koiwai said.
"You have fallen within the range of my divination," Hinata informed her opponent softly. Eyes blazing with intense focus, she called out, "Juukenpo! Hakke Sanjuunishou!"
"Oi, Hinata, you're going too far!" Naruto cried in alarm.
Hinata ignored him, charging Monica. Spinning on the ball of one foot as she approached, she slapped Monica in the upper chest and abdomen. "Hakke Nishou!" With a cry of "Yonshou!" she delivered two more strikes to Monica's vital organs. "Hasshou!" Four more strikes hammered into Monica, who twitched in place like a marionette. "Juurokushou!" Hinata's hands blurred as she struck Monica eight more times in different locations on her body. Her hands continued to blur as she delivered sixteen more strikes to her completely helpless opponent. "SANJUUNISHOU!" Hinata cried, sliding back on her heels and raising her hands before her, palms facing inward. Monica dropped to the mat like a sack of potatoes, still conscious but unable to move any part of her body.
"OH MY GOD!" Jumbo cried as the audience roared. "What the hell just happened?! What did that ninja girl just do?!"
"It looks like Monica can't move," Koiwai said.
Mihoshi stepped forward and leaned down to examine Monica. "Umm...can you move?"
"I just said she couldn't move," Koiwai muttered.
"Monica!" Max cried. He fished around in his satchel and pulled out a coiled length of something stretchy and shimmery. Uncoiling it, he quickly tied one end into a lasso, spun it over his head, and threw it. It looped around Monica's ankle; he pulled it tight and it cinched firmly.
"Oh? What's this her partner's doing?" Koiwai asked.
"Eww...Max! Is this a Lafrescia—eek!" Max whisked her out of the ring and tagged her out before Mihoshi could think to object to the assist.
"An unconventional but nonetheless legal tag!" Jumbo shouted over the crowd noise.
With Monica safely deposited behind the turnstile and the medics attending her, Max stepped into the ring, facing down the creepy-eyed ninja girl. "My turn," he said grimly...and pulled a massive frozen tuna from out of nowhere.
Monica groaned. "Oh, Max, not the fish..."
"Wow," Koiwai commented, "that's...a really big fish."
"Yeah, it's...big. And it's a fish," Jumbo added.
In the ring, Hinata was so completely caught off-guard by this unusual development that she didn't react in time...and was sent flying into the rails by a blow from the frozen tuna. Max stalked over to her, eyes hard, raising the tuna over his head like a club, and bludgeoned the young ninja girl into unconsciousness.
The crowd screamed and booed. "OH MY GOD!" Jumbo cried.
Hinata disappeared in a puff of smoke, replaced by a smoking, sparking paper tag which was plastered to the side of the fish. "What the—?"
The tuna exploded, raining chunks of frozen fish all over the ring, the catwalks, and the security barrier. Max staggered backward, holding a pitiful stump of the massive fish's tail.
The crowd roared with laughter. "And Max has been disarmed! ...disfinned? Disfished? I don't know the right verb to use here," Jumbo said.
"But where did Hinata go?" Koiwai wondered.
"Hai!" Hinata called, raising her hand from where she stood on the catwalk.
Mihoshi frowned. "Anou...could you please get back in the ring?"
Hinata bowed. "Sumimasen, but I'm not the legal fighter anymore."
"I am," Naruto said, flipping over the top rail and hurling a kunai at Max. "Believe it!"
"But...when did he tag in?" Koiwai wondered.
"Ah! I think I see what happened!" Jumbo exclaimed. "When it looked like Max had hit Hinata with that fish..."
"Right, that was a henge," Naruto called as he kicked Max into the rails and threw a brace of shuriken that sliced at his arms and legs. "I switched places with Hinata before the hit, pretended to get knocked down, then slapped an exploding tag on that stupid fish."
"Uooooh, ninja are very sneaky!" Jumbo said, nodding.
"And now, because I know you all want to see it again..." Naruto grinned cheekily at the spectators. "KAGEBUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"
The ring was suddenly full of orange-clad blond ninja, who posed and waved for the crowd.
"Not this again," Koiwai muttered, facepalming.
"Hey, we've got a special service for everyone tonight!" the Narutos chorused. Forming the same hand seal, they cried in unison, "MONICA HAREM NO JUTSU!"
Hinata pulled a pained face and shook her head. "Mou, Naruto-kun..."
The crowd exploded in cheers and wolf-whistles as every single Naruto transformed into a naked Monica, modesty just barely preserved by strategically-placed wisps of steam. Max stared, wide-eyed, his face turning completely red.
Koiwai slumped forward onto the table. "What the HELL?!"
"A VERY unusual strategy by Uzumaki!" Jumbo cried. "And amazingly effective!"
From ringside, Monica, who had been propped up in a folding chair, reddened in embarrassment. "AAAAHHHHH! MAX! DON'T YOU DARE LOOK! KILL THAT...THAT PERVERT!!"
The horde of naked Monicas posed, winked, and cooed suggestively at Max, the announcers, and the audience, to enthusiastic applause. Max bowed his head, face flaming, fists white-knuckled and trembling. "You..."
"I~yaaaan! Don't get mad, Maxy-waxy!" the Monicas cooed, winking and blowing kisses.
"I...I won't forgive you for this!" Max cried. A submachine gun appeared in his left hand; with an inarticulate howl of rage, he started spraying bullets in every direction.
"KYAAAAAA!" Mihoshi screamed, diving for the mat and covering her head with her hands. The announcers ducked under the table. Max paid no notice, squeezing the trigger and screaming until the gun fell silent.
When the roar of the machine gun died down, the haze of smoke that had formed in the ring thinned and faded, revealing absolutely nothing but an angry, confused Max.
Part of the canvas behind him slid aside, and Naruto poked his head up. He grinned wickedly and raised his hands, pressed tightly together with the index fingers fully extended. "Sennen Goroshi," he said quietly, before jamming his fingers into Max's ass.
Max screamed and jumped straight up. The crowd laughed.
Koiwai shook his head in disbelief. "Kancho? Seriously?"
"This match has certainly been full of surprises," Jumbo said.
"It's been full of something alright."
As Max howled and clutched at his violated rear end, Naruto punched him in the back of the head, dropping him, then kicked him in the side, sending him sprawling to land beside Mihoshi, who was still cowering on the mat. "It's over," Naruto said.
"It is?" Mihoshi asked, blinking. "Oh, good. That means I can go home now, right?"
"Please do," Koiwai muttered.
Harima entered the ring, eyeing the downed Max dubiously. When he showed no signs of stirring or standing, the announcer shrugged and handed Naruto a golden belt. Hinata appeared beside her partner, head bowed and face flaming, and meekly accepted her identical belt. Naruto raised his above his head, grinning widely at the audience, who responded with a mixture of cheers, laughter, and boos.
"The winners and first Division T champions, Team Konoha!" Harima said."
WINNER
"And after one of the most unusual matches we've ever seen, Team Konoha takes the title!" Jumbo cried. "And you saw it here, live! Stay tuned, because up next we have the main event...the DIVISION! S! TITLE! MATCH!"
* * * * *
As the two shinobi walked down the catwalk, Hinata paused by the front row and leaned close to a spectator. "Excuse me, may I borrow your program?" she asked quietly.
The man blinked at her. "Huh? Sure," he said, handing a thick paper brochure to the kunoichi.
"Arigatou gozaimasu," Hinata replied with a bow. She then walked over to her partner, rolled up the program, and whapped him lightly on the head with it. "Naruto-kun no baka," she said before striding quickly out of the arena.
Before they made it ten steps down the outer corridor, they were ambushed by Haruhi. "How does it feel to be crowned the champions?" she asked, thrusting her microphone into Naruto's face.
"It feels good!" he replied with his trademark cheeky grin. "Believe it!"
"But you'd never guess just by looking at you that you're such a super-huge pervert," Haruhi pressed. She tilted her head. "Say, you don't do anything weird with that little trick, do you?"
Naruto tilted his head. "Huh? Weird"?
"You know, like making three more of yourself, turning one into your girlfriend here, and having like a really big gangbang?" Hinata let out a funny squeak and fainted dead away, face redder than a tomato.
Naruto frowned. "I never met a girl as perverted as Erosennin before today," he muttered. He knelt down and gently picked up his unconscious teammate. "Sorry, I gotta take her someplace she can rest without weird people askin' stupid questions." He walked off before Haruhi could reply.
"Hey, you don't turn into ME with that trick, do you?" Haruhi called at his retreating back. Then she turned around and faced the camera. "Just so you know, the real Haruhi naked is a much better treat than a fake Haruhi naked any day...not that you'll ever see it!" She winked. "Okay, back to our announcers for the final match!"
Kyon stared at her. "What the hell was that?" he asked.
Haruhi shrugged. "Who knows?" she said dismissively. "The boss said we should try to make the show sexier. Anyway, let's grab something to eat so we can watch the last fight!"
* * * * *
Shego woke up in the infirmary and found Kim Possible leaning on the wall next to her bed, arms folded, wearing a smug expression. "Nice match," she said.
"Blow it out your—"
"Found a tag partner yet?" Kim interrupted. "Or if you want, I can take you on solo. Just say the word and I'll ask Mr. Heisenberg to book the match."
"Oh, I want a piece of your little boyfriend, too," Shego said, eyes narrowed. "I'll find a tag partner and then the whole universe will see what a sad, pathetic little girl you really are."
Kim rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Later!"
Five minutes later, the infirmary had to place an order for a new bed, as Shego had reduced hers to an unidentifiable charred lump.
* * * * *
"Welcome back, and welcome to our MAIN EVENT...THE DIVISION! S! TITLE! MATCH!" Jumbo shouted. The crowd roared appreciatively.
"Last week, these two fighters displayed impressive skill and power against seemingly superior opponents," Koiwai said. "This promises to be an incredible battle."
"So now, without further ado..." The screens displayed the interior of the Ultimasphere, in its default configuration. "Our tech department has promised a unique and memorable venue for this fight..."
The light rods began to glow more brightly as the air inside the Ultimasphere shimmered and a holographic terrain slowly wavered into view, gradually shaping itself from an unidentifiable series of overlapping digital lines. After several seconds, the holographic terrain resolved into a narrow, steep well with no handholds and no noteworthy features.
The audience murmured in confusion and disappointment. "This is their unique and memorable venue?" Koiwai wondered.
Without warning, a giant L-shaped block fell from the top of the well, landing in the bottom with a deafening thud. It was quickly followed by a T-shaped block which turned itself upside-down before landing beside the first one.
There was a lengthy pause, and then the audience went wild.
Jumbo laughed. "Looks like our Division S title match is going to be held inside a giant game of Tetris!"
Koiwai facepalmed. "This is ridiculous."
"Okay, let's introduce our contenders for the Division S belt!" Jumbo said. "First up, we have the intergalactic warlord and living embodiment of evil...LORD ZEDD!
In a whirling maelstrom of red mist and red lightning, Zedd appeared atop the L-shaped block, staff clenched in one sharp-taloned hand.
"And his opponent, who last week showed us that size doesn't matter," Jumbo continued, "give it up for the Fullmetal Alchemist, EDWARD ELRIC!
The fans cheered as a portal deposited Ed atop the T-shaped block. He grinned and waved at the nearest camera pod.
Katma Tui descended into the well, coolly regarding the two contenders. "Thirty minute time limit. Watch the damage to the Ultimasphere. Begin!"
"I've just been told that there's a secret victory stipulation to this match," Koiwai said. "Given that the battlefield is a giant Tetris game, I'm pretty sure we all know what it is."
"Are you prepared to die, puny worm?" Zedd's voice conveyed a contemptuous sneer that his face was incapable of displaying.
Veins throbbed on Ed's forehead. "Who're you calling a microbe you can't even see with an electron microscope that's even smaller than a paramecium?"
"You," Zedd snarled, swinging his staff in a wide arc. A ball of crackling red-and-purple lightning formed around the head of the staff, then flew at Ed.
The young alchemist took a step back, dropping behind the top portion of the block he stood upon; the block was cracked by the attack, but held together. Ed grinned and slapped his palms against the surface of the block. With a bright blue flash, it snapped free and launched itself at Zedd. The warlord held his ground, surrounding himself in a crackling forcefield which disintegrated the oncoming wave.
"And once more, Edward demonstrates why he's worthy of the title Fullmetal Alchemist," Jumbo said.
"You know, I wonder why he's called an alchemist," Koiwai mused. "I mean, isn't alchemy like, chemicals and potions and big lab setups full of boiling tubes and beakers and stuff?"
"Not where he's from, I guess," Jumbo replied. "And it looks like we're about to see why this battlefield is so special!"
Ed frowned. "That was supposed to make the rock explode into shrapnel," he said, examining his gloved hands. "What the hell's wrong with me today?"
Another Tetris block suddenly dropped into the well, falling straight toward where Ed was standing. The young alchemist yelped and rolled out of the way.
"The graphic you're now seeing on the split screen," Koiwai explained, "is a representation of the full battlefield, with the current positions of the two fighters marked. This way, our cameras can focus on the fighters themselves, and our viewers can still follow the progression of the giant Tetris game going on around them."
"That almost frickin' killed me!" Ed yelled, clutching his chest and panting. "What the hell're you people tryin' to do?!"
Zedd laughed. A straight line block started to fall towards him; he blasted it, and it split cleanly in half at the center, the pieces tumbling out of control.
"Oh, come on now!" Jumbo shouted. "How the hell's the player supposed to work with that?"
"Nande yanen," Koiwai muttered, casting a sideways glance at his partner.
"Okay, I officially hate this bullshit battlefield," Ed muttered. "I gotta put this freak down before this gets outta hand." With that, he pushed up his sleeve, transmuted part of his automail arm into a blade, then leapt at Zedd. "Let's fight man-to-man!" Ed shouted.
Zedd chuckled. "As you wish!" he said, spinning his staff as he leapt toward the young alchemist. They clashed in midair, sparks flying from their weapons.
"Both of these fighters are skilled at hand-to-hand combat," Koiwai said. "This terrain doesn't seem to afford either fighter any special advantage, and as we've seen, they both have enough power to deal with the special hazards of this particular battlefield."
"Speaking of which," Jumbo said, "They'd better watch out, because they've got incoming!"
The perfect cube that had just dropped into the well homed in on the two fighters and suddenly slammed down. The fighters barely leapt clear before it could flatten them.
"This is beginning to grow tiresome," Zedd growled.
"I agree," Ed said. "I dunno what idiot came up with this idea, but me and him are gonna have words after I finish kickin' your skinless ass.'
Zedd let out a snort of laughter. "Your overconfidence will be your undoing, human!"
"Oh yeah? Then eat this!" Ed clapped his hands together and slapped his palms on the block he was standing on; it rose into the air and hurled itself at Zedd, knocking him into the wall of the well. The block then slid neatly into the gap beneath it. The entire playfield suddenly shook, and Ed's stomach lurched as his stomach leapt into his throat.
"What the hell?" Ed shouted.
"For anyone who's been living in a cave for the last twenty-five or so years, or isn't from a dimension where it exists, the point of Tetris is to clear lines of falling blocks by completing a line straight across the screen," Jumbo said. "Ed's attack dropped a piece of a block into a gap on the bottom line, which cleared it."
Hearing this over the Ultimasphere's PA system, Ed's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, I get it now!" He grinned, pounding a fist into an open palm. "Okay, maybe this'll be kinda interesting after all!"
"You should worry less about playing stupid games and worry more about making peace with your gods!" Zedd roared as he leapt onto a higher block. His visor glowed an angry red, and a solid energy beam slammed into Fullmetal, pinning him against the wall. At the same time, he raised his staff and launched a crackling red bolt at the next falling block, spinning it and altering its course as it dropped.
Ed strained against the power of Zedd's blast, tensing his legs and pushing off with all his strength, executing a shaky but effective wall-jump which propelled him at his foe. As he descended, he clapped his hands together, slapping his palms against the side of the block Zedd stood upon; the block lurched violently, the entire top half tipping sideways, throwing Zedd against the opposite wall of the playfield.
"Yeah," Ed said, grinning, "I'm definitely gettin' the hang of this."
"Indeed he is," Koiwai said, "but he'd better look out..."
No sooner had he said that then the falling block slammed down on top of Ed, trapping him.
Zedd laughed triumphantly. "You're finished, weakling!"
"NOT...YET!!" Ed bellowed. The block above him flared with blue light, then exploded, its pieces flying as Ed leapt free.
One chunk impacted the wall above Zedd; he leapt clear and blasted it out of existence. Another struck the next falling block, breaking it in half; its pieces spun off course as it dropped. Ed and Zedd landed on the same block, glaring at one another.
"What I don't get," Koiwai said, "is why Elric isn't doing any of that stuff he did when he fought Megatron. I mean, he was making cannons and statues and stuff out of stone, so why isn't he...?"
//Oh, we tweaked the program a little for this match,// a young voice said. An inset window on the viewscreens showed the Ultima control booth.
//Hi, everybody! Enjoying the show?//
Koiwai frowned. "What do you mean you tweaked the program?" he asked.
//Well, I thought it'd be kinda boring if we went to all the trouble to program this cool Tetris game and Ed just got rid of all the blocks with his alchemy, so me and Ferb programmed it so no matter what Ed does, all he can do is break apart the blocks and make them fly around. Pretty cool, huh?//
"It certainly does lend a unique element to the match," Jumbo said, nodding.
//We're also sucking at Tetris on purpose up here, just to make it interesting.// Behind Phineas, Ferb was holding a Nintendo controller with his toes.
Koiwai sweatdropped. "O...kay then..."
"I've had just about ENOUGH OF THIS!" Zedd roared. His body crackled with dark power, arcs of red lightning snapping over his body, and he began to grow. Ed stared up, jaw dropping, as the warlord towered over him.
"Oh, SCREW that!" the alchemist complained.
"INCREDIBLE!" Jumbo cried. "What amazing power!"
"AND NOW," Zedd rumbled, "YOU DIE."
"It looks like it's all over for Elric," Koiwai said."
But suddenly, Ed laughed. "You know something? I think I just figured out how you lose this crazy game. And since the tech boys decided to break the laws of physics...then I'm gonna do the same!" Using alchemy to clear a path to the bottom of the well, Ed crouched down and pressed his palms to the ground, which glowed so brightly it was painful to look at. A high-pitched hum filled the air, growing in volume.
"What the heck's he doing?" Jumbo wondered.
A tremendous rumbling sound shook the Ultimasphere, drowning out the crowd noise in the stadium. The stack of blocks shuddered violently...
...then lurched sharply upward as a massive pile of garbage blocks erupted from the bottom of the well.
"WHAT?!" Zedd roared. His angry bellow trailed off as he was launched out of the top of the well.
"Under the special stipulations of this match," Katma Tui said with the barest hint of a smirk, "the winner, and Division S champion, is the Fullmetal Alchemist."
The crowd cheered as Ed flashed a cocky grin and a peace sign at the camera pod.
WINNER
"Well Ferb, looks like he didn't just beat Lord Zedd, he beat us too."
"Oh, bollocks."
* * * * *
"So there you have it! Our first three champions are Huey Freeman, Team Konoha, and Edward Elric!" Jumbo said. "How long can they hold onto their belts? Who's going to be gunning for them after tonight? What else do we have in store for all you fight fans? Tune in next week to find out!"
* * * * *
"What the hell got into you today, Hinata?" Naruto asked. "I've never seen you like that."
Hinata bowed her head. "Gomen nasai," she said softly. "I...I don't know what happened. For some reason, when that Monica girl took pity on me because she thought I was blind...it just set me off." Her eyes watered; she clenched her hands in the rough fabric of her pants. "I...I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. I...I acted like Neji-niisan out there tonight..."
Naruto frowned and patted her on the shoulder. "Hey, don't worry about it too much, okay? Sometimes it just happens. You just got ticked off and overdid it. It's okay, okay?"
Hinata sniffled and rubbed at her eyes. "Un," she murmured.
* * * * *
In the green room, a number of fighters were gathered around the notice board, where a flyer had been pinned before the show.
Ron Stoppable looked at the flyer and facepalmed. "She didn't."
In his pants pocket, Rufus made a discontented noise and shook his head.
As Ron walked away, a few fighters lingered, looking thoughtful as they eyed the flyer.
* * * * *
Umi studied the foreboding black door before her, took a deep breath, and knocked.
The door opened. The room inside was pitch black, save for a ring of candles, wicks burning with eerie blue flame.
"Umm...I thought it over..." she began. "I mean, even though you lost, you did some really amazing magic, so...I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but...I'll accept your offer of training."
Magus' drawn, elfin face appeared from the darkness, and he was smirking. "Good. Then let us begin..."
* * * * *
Zedd raged violently in the fighters' dorm complex. That insolent little...
How DARE he?!
Zedd had come to this idiotic spectacle to prove to the universe that he was the ultimate being, the power that all creation should bow down to...and he had been defeated by a teenager.
"I am SICK...of being BEATEN...by WORTHLESS. HUMAN. TEENAGERS!"
The dark warlord stormed down the halls, body crackling and rippling with crimson power, searching for the one who had humiliated him. As he stalked, he brandished his staff this way and that, unleashing destructive force bolts, blowing holes in the walls and shattering lighting panels.
After a couple minutes of this, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Excuse me," a gruff voice growled in his ear.
"WHO DARES—"
Zedd whirled around and ate a green fist.
"I believe at the orientation, you were warned about this kind of behavior," the owner of said fist informed him. "Wanton destruction of the Ultima facilities, backstage vendettas against other fighters—which I'm assuming is why you're in THIS part of the dormitory and not your assigned section—none of this is allowed. Return to your assigned quarters, or I will put you in the infirmary."
Zedd shook a fist threateningly at the tall green interloper. "CUR! Lord Zedd does not take orders! Lord Zedd GIVES them!"
The green one raised a hairless eyebrow. "Well Mister Piccolo is in charge of Security, and MISTER Piccolo WILL put his foot up your ass if you don't do as I say."
And Piccolo grabbed the evil warlord by the throat and bodily dragged him back to his quarters.
* * * * *
In a small, spartan room in another wing of the dorms, a small figure flipped through pages arranged in a thick binder.
"Weaknesses...intense sonic assault, intense heat..."
A page turned.
"Weaknesses...primary weakness ten-minute activation time on empowering device..."
Another.
"Weaknesses...unknown..."
Another.
"Weaknesses...predictable fighting pattern..."
The folder was closed and slipped into a desk drawer. A pair of glasses were tossed negligently onto the surface of the desk.
"Seven days to prepare my strategy..."
A sigh.
"I just hope I don't get myself killed out there."
RESULTS RECAP | |
| WIN | LOSE |
| WIN | LOSE |
| WIN | LOSE |
| WIN | LOSE |
| WIN | LOSE |
| WIN | LOSE |
