YOTSUBA & MATCHMAKING

//Goodbye, my love...sayounara...//

"Well that was a sucky and depressing ending," Koiwai said, grabbing the remote and changing the channel. "If I'd known it'd end with a broken heart, I wouldn't have even watched that drama..."

"That girl was just like Fuuka," Yotsuba said. She was drawing on the floor near the television.

"Eh?" Koiwai asked. "Really? She didn't look or sound or act anything like Fuuka..."

"I mean getting her heart broke," Yotsuba said. "That happened to Fuuka too."

"It did?" Koiwai asked. "When?"

"Um...at the end of the summer, I think," Yotsuba replied, face screwed up in a cutely studious expression. "She said the same words that girl on the TV said, too."

"Really..." Koiwai replied. He shrugged. "Well, it happens." He flicked a strand of hair out of his face. "But it sucks someone broke Fuuka's heart. I was kinda wondering why a cute girl like her doesn't have a boyfriend..."

Yotsuba tilted her head up and looked at him for a minute. "You should be Fuuka's boyfriend, Touchan," she said seriously.

"Eh?" Koiwai replied. "Me?"

"Yeah. You don't got a girlfriend, Fuuka don't got a boyfriend..."

Koiwai chuckled. "I think I'm a little too old for Fuuka," he said. "Besides, I'm not interested in having a girlfriend right now."

"How come?"

"I'm just not."

"Yeah, but you need a girlfriend," Yotsuba insisted. "Even smelly poo-face Yanda has a girlfriend."

"Had," Koiwai corrected. "She dumped him."

"Yeah, but he had one an' you don't..."

Koiwai groaned. "Oi oi, knock it off already..."

* * * * *

Yotsuba, Fuuka, and Ena were playing a board game the next afternoon, when Yotsuba suddenly piped up, "You know, Touchan doesn't got a girlfriend."

"Eh?" Ena asked. "Come to think of it, that's true, isn't it..."

"He says he don't need one but I think he does," Yotsuba said.

Fuuka rolled the dice and moved her piece. "That's not a bad idea," she said. "Koiwai-san shouldn't be alone, especially as disorganized and sloppy as he is."

"That's a little harsh, Oneechan," Ena said. "True though," she admitted a moment later as her turn came around.

"Hmm...ne, Okaasan," Fuuka called. "You know any single women that might be interested in Koiwai-san?"

Mrs. Ayase looked up from the magazine she was reading. "Eh?" She thought about it for a minute. "Hmm...I don't think I know anyone single right now, sorry..."

"You should be Touchan's girlfriend, Fuuka!" Yotsuba said suddenly.

Fuuka spat iced tea all over the game board. "WHAT?"

"You don't got no boyfriend," Yotsuba pointed out.

"Well, that's true, but..." Fuuka laughed shakily. "I think I'm a little young for your daddy, Yotsuba-chan. I mean, I'm still in high school..." She wiped up the mess she'd made, and idly commented, "Now, Oneechan is a closer fit for age..."

"Pass," Asagi said from where she lay on the couch eating Pocky and reading. "Koiwai-san's nice, but he's not my type, and I'm not really looking right now." She paused. "Besides, you really are more his type, aren't you?"

"How am I his type?" Fuuka demanded.

"I dunno, you just are," Asagi replied.

Ena tilted her head back in thought. "You know," she said slowly, "it wouldn't be a bad match at all..."

"Ena-chan!" Fuuka cried, face red. "Okaasan, say something here!"

"Oh no, don't drag me into this," Mrs. Ayase said.

Yotsuba gave Fuuka a heart-breakingly pleading look. "Pretty please be Touchan's girlfriend?" she asked. "I want you to real bad..."

Fuuka sighed and patted her on the head. "I'm sorry, Yotsuba-chan, but that's just...it just doesn't work that way. Your daddy's very nice and I like him, but not...I'm sorry."

"Don't cry, Yotsuba-chan," Ena said. "I'm sure your daddy will find a girlfriend when he's ready."

Yotsuba pouted for most of the rest of the afternoon until she went home.

"I wonder," Asagi mused after the little girl left, "did she come up with that all on her own, or did Koiwai-san put her up to that?"

"Nah," Fuuka replied dismissively. "If Koiwai-san was interested, he'd just come up to me out of the blue and say 'Oi, Fuuka, be my girlfriend.'"

Her sisters stared at her. "That...was a pretty impressive imitation of Koiwai-san," Ena said.

Mrs. Ayase raised an eyebrow. "Maybe...you do have some kind of crush on Koiwai-san?" she asked Fuuka.

Fuuka stood and shook her head violently. "No, no, and NO! All of you...! Mou..."

Ena giggled. "We're just teasing, Oneechan. It's funny to watch you get all embarrassed. Nobody's taking this seriously."

"Nobody except Yotsuba anyway," Asagi remarked.

Fuuka sighed. "I'm gonna go do something less embarrassing than sit here and listen to this. Like dance naked on top of a bus."

* * * * *

Koiwai spent the evening worrying about Yotsuba's sullen and pouty mood; she wouldn't open up and tell him what was wrong. Finally, he gave up and announced he was going to clean up the kitchen, then they'd go to bed.

He was in the middle of pulling out the futons when he heard Yotsuba sniffling in the TV room. He walked up to the door and was about to look inside...

"What do I do, Duralumin?" he heard Yotsuba saying to her teddy bear. "I want Touchan to have a girlfriend an' I want Fuuka to have a boyfriend but they're both so stupid...why's everyone I love so stupid?"

"Maaaa," the bear replied.

Koiwai sighed. "Yotsuba," he called, "it's time for bed now..."

* * * * *

The next day, Koiwai was putting out trash when Fuuka walked her bike through the front gate of her house. "Yo, Fuuka," he called out.

"Ah! Good morning, Koiwai-san," she replied. She seemed a bit nervous and distracted.

Koiwai frowned. "Fuuka...by any chance has Yotsuba been kind of..."

"Kind of...?" Fuuka asked; her cheeks had turned pink.

Koiwai sighed. "She has, hasn't she." He shook his head. "I'm sorry about that. I don't know what's gotten into her."

"It's not a problem!" Fuuka insisted. "Um...I mean, my sisters and even my mom have been teasing me nonstop since...and that's a little embarrassing, but I don't blame you or Yotsuba-chan for that."

Koiwai rubbed the back of his head. "Err...yeah. Still, it's just..." He shrugged. "I really don't know what's gotten her so fired up..."

"She just...really cares about you," Fuuka said.

"And you," Koiwai added. "I heard her talking to her bear last night. She thinks we're both stupid."

Fuuka laughed shakily. "She just doesn't understand, does she?"

"No, she really doesn't," Koiwai replied. He shook his head. "Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I had nothing to do with this."

"Oh, I know," Fuuka said, smiling. "Well then, I'd best be off. Later!"

"Later."

* * * * *

"Heeeeh...that's a real problem, alright."

Just before sunset the following evening, Yotsuba was eating taiyaki with Ena and Miura. She had just finished telling Miura about her concerns of the past few days.

"But Miura-chan," Ena argued, "if her daddy doesn't want a girlfriend, then that's kind of the end of it, isn't it? And Oneechan said she's..."

"Grownups never know what they want, that's why they buy stupid crap they don't really need," Miura said dismissively. "Men need women like...like dogs need stuff to pee on."

"Ewww, Miura-chan, that's nasty," Ena complained, shuddering.

"I mean a man just isn't a man without a woman, that's all," Miura said, brushing off her hands as she finished her snack. "So yeah, it's good that Yotsuba's interested in findin' her dad a girlfriend." She stuffed her hands in her pockets as she stood. "Hookin' her dad up with Fuuka-neechan ain't a bad idea."

"Except neither of them wants to hook up at all," Ena pointed out.

Miura sighed. "Yeah, grown-ups are pretty dumb." Stretching, she added, "Hang in there, Yotsuba-chan! You'll get through to your dad sooner or later. Ja na!" Waving, she left.

Ena sighed. "Don't pay any attention to her, Yotsuba-chan..."

But when she looked down at the smaller girl, she realized it was far too late. Yotsuba was scheming.

* * * * *

The following day was a school holiday; Yotsuba was over at the Ayase house very early to play, and brought her camera with her.

Throughout the day, every fifteen minutes or so, Fuuka would hear the faint 'beep' of Yotsuba's camera. Inwardly, she couldn't decide whether to laugh or groan. *She's up to no good...*

Still, being photographed lazing around the house didn't particularly bother Fuuka, so she just let Yotsuba do her thing.

She was, however, careful to avoid the toilet until after Yotsuba left.

* * * * *

"Hey Touchan! I took lotsa pictures today!" Yotsuba chimed as she bustled into Koiwai's work room.

"Oh? Let's see, then..." Koiwai took Yotsuba's camera and connected the USB cord to his computer. A couple of mouse clicks later...

Fuuka lying on the cushions beside her bed reading manga.

Fuuka stretching and yawning.

Fuuka drinking milk.

Fuuka bending over to pick something up.

Fuuka...Fuuka...Fuuka...Fuuka.

Koiwai's eye twitched.

"Fuuka did a lot of interesting things today, Touchan!" Yotsuba reported.

"So I see," Koiwai replied.

"Ne, Touchan, isn't Fuuka pretty?"

"Yes, Yotsuba, Fuuka is very pretty."

"So why don't you wanna be her boyfriend?"

Koiwai groaned. "Not this again..."

"You need Fuuka to pee on!" Yotsuba exclaimed suddenly.

"Wh-WHAT?!" Koiwai yelped, staring at the little girl. "You want me to pee on Fuuka?!"

"No, I mean—!"

"Because I'm pretty sure if I peed on Fuuka she'd be peed off."

"No, no! You need to like hug her and kiss her and stuff!" Yotsuba cried.

"Now I'm confused. Do you want me to kiss her or piss her?"

"AHHH!" Yotsuba screamed, running from the room.

Koiwai chuckled. "I have NO idea what the hell THAT was all about, but..."

Quietly, he saved all the pictures Yotsuba had taken.

* * * * *

"She isn't giving up without a fight, is she?"

Koiwai had been collecting the mail when Fuuka appeared at the property wall, surprising him.

"Doesn't look like it," Koiwai said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, she was kind of obvious today, always taking pictures of me," Fuuka said.

"I may have to take her camera away for that stunt," Koiwai grimaced.

"Oh, don't," Fuuka said, shaking her head. "It's not like she did anything wrong, or caught me doing anything embarrassing." She paused. "Did she?" she asked in a softer tone.

"Nah, nothing like that," Koiwai replied dismissively. He dug out his phone. "Pretty much like this," he said, showing Fuuka a picture of herself yawning, arms stretched over her head.

Fuuka blushed. "Well, oka—wait. Why's that on your phone?" She blinked. "Is that...did you make that your wallpaper?"

Koiwai shrugged. "What can I say? It's a really cute picture of a really cute girl." He smiled.

Fuuka's blushed deepened. "Mou...Koiwai-san..."

"Calm down, Fuuka," he said. "I'm still not taking this whole thing Yotsuba's doing seriously. But I'm not gonna deny how cute you are." He reached over and poked her in the nose, then waved. "Ja!"

"...bye..." Fuuka replied mechanically, rooted to the spot, face flaming.

* * * * *

"Oneechan? What's wrong?" Ena asked as Fuuka came back inside a short while later.

"Yeah, I haven't seen you this red since...well, the other day," Asagi added, an eyebrow raised.

"I think...Yotsuba-chan may be winning," Fuuka said quietly, cheeks still red.

"Eh?" Ena asked. "Did something happen?"

"You know...how Yotsuba-chan was taking pictures of me all day?"

"Yeah, she's quite the little shutterbug."

"Koiwai-san...he's using one of those as the wallpaper on his phone."

Ena's eyes widened. "EEEEH?"

"He just showed me," Fuuka said. "She got a picture of me yawning, and Koiwai-san put it on his phone."

Asagi raised an eyebrow. "Well well."

"He says he still isn't taking this whole thing seriously, and only did it because...because I'm cute, and it's a cute picture..." Fuuka's face turned even redder, and she stared down at her feet.

"He actually said that?" Ena asked.

"Y-yeah..."

"Woooow," Ena breathed.

Mrs. Ayase walked in from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. "Just what kind of picture are we talking about?" she asked.

"Um...I just...was stretching and yawning, like this..." Fuuka copied the pose from the picture.

Asagi covered a chuckle. "No need to ask where HIS mind is."

Ena blinked. "What? I don't get it."

Mrs. Ayase frowned. "That...IS slightly less than gentlemanly of him..."

Fuuka dropped her arms and crossed them over her chest. "Don't tease," she muttered. "Please...I don't want to think Koiwai-san's some kind of lech..."

"Oh, NOW I get it," Ena said, blushing suddenly. "Yeah, that's...Koiwai-san's a little dirty-minded after all..."

"No, not necessarily," Asagi said. "It's perfectly normal for that kind of thing to catch a man's attention." She snickered. "Good one on Yotsuba-chan for getting a shot like that, even if she didn't realize what she was doing."

"So, you gonna go make him delete that picture and maybe beat him up a little?" Ena asked.

Fuuka sighed. "No, I'll let him keep it," she said. "It's not a big deal."

That drew raised eyebrows all around.

"Maybe Yotsuba-chan really IS winning," Asagi said.

* * * * *

Over the next week, things got a little...strange.

It started with a fellow member of the Student Council.

"Ayase-san! I have two tickets for Pera-Pera Land! Would you like to maybe go with me on Sunday?"

"Oh! Hiro-kun. Um...can I think about it? I'll get back to you later."

"Sure, no problem..."

At lunch...

"Vice President! I'm goin' out to karaoke with my bro an' his new girl after school, you wanna come?"

"Ah...sorry, I really don't have the time today."

After school...

"Hey Fuuka-san! There's a revival of Pretty Cutey Max Zeta V on Friday! Um...y'think maybe...?"

"Oh, sorry, I'm...not really all that into anime." *Or that SMELL that hangs over you like a shroud...*

The next day...

"Ayase! I've got tix for Purple Shitfuck this Saturday! Wanna go?"

"Purple Shitfuck? They haven't been any good since Masa and Koko caught fire and had to quit the band. Pass."

By the final bell on Saturday, Fuuka was getting incredibly frazzled. "They're coming out of the woodwork," she moaned.

Shimau laughed and patted her on the back reassuringly. "You're very popular, Fuuka! It happens."

"No, this isn't normal," Fuuka said. "I'm NEVER this popular. Something weird's going on."

"What are you talking about? You've always been this popular. It's just that guys are usually too shy to try to ask you out." Shimau shook her head. "If they weren't, it'd be like this every single day."

"Gyeeeeh," Fuuka grimaced.

* * * * *

"You've turned down seventeen dates in six days?" Asagi asked. Fuuka had just come home from school and changed, and was sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of water. "What the hell? Are you crazy?"

"Most of them are guys I wouldn't want to be in the same room with without a hazmat suit," Fuuka replied.

"Still, at least one or two of them had to have potential," Asagi replied. "If I'd been asked out that much, I'm sure I'd have gone on at least two or three dates..."

"I just..." Fuuka sighed. "I just wasn't interested."

The doorbell rang; before anyone could get up, the front door opened halfway. Koiwai stuck his head in. "Yo, Fuuka! Movie night." He held up a huge bag of popcorn in one hand and two six-packs of cola in the other. "You in?"

"Sure," Fuuka said, finishing her water and heading for the door. "Oneechan, tell Okaasan I'm over next door."

Asagi raised an eyebrow. "Interesting."

* * * * *

"Oh my GOD that poor COW!" Fuuka squealed, laughing.

"No no, watch this, watch this...OH!" Koiwai groaned, guffawing.

Fuuka doubled over giggling. "This...this is the funniest movie I've ever seen!" On the floor, Yotsuba was rolling helplessly, tears of laughter streaming down her face. "HOW much are they trying to get?" she asked.

Koiwai did a quick mental calculation. "Works out to about 230 million yen," he said.

"No wonder they're completely crazy," Fuuka said.

All in all, they watched a very silly movie, a very scary movie, and a very romantic movie. By the time the third one was over, almost all the popcorn was gone, all the cola was gone, and Fuuka had fallen asleep leaning against Koiwai on the couch. He looked down at her, smiled, and brushed her hair away from her forehead, which he kissed very gently.

Then he poked her in the stomach, hard.

"KYAA!" Fuuka screamed, shooting bolt upright, eyes wide.

"Time to go home, Fuuka," Koiwai said. "Or your folks are gonna be pissed."

Fuuka looked at her watch and grimaced. "Ugh, yeah, it's pretty late...did I fall asleep?"

"Kinda. The third movie was a little bit slow."

"Oh. ...ew, did I drool on you?"

"A little, but I don't mind," Koiwai said, idly wiping his sleeve with a paper napkin.

Fuuka blushed. "Sorry about that. Well...I'll be heading home then. Thanks for having me over!"

"Sure thing, Fuuka."

On the floor, Yotsuba stirred and slowly woke up. "Is the movie over?"

"Yeah, it's over."

"Did Fuuka go home?"

"Yeah, Fuuka went home."

Yotsuba yawned. "She went 'sleep before I did," she said. "Did you wake her up an' make her go home?"

"Yeah."

"How come? She coulda slept here."

Koiwai sighed. "Because if I let her spend the night here, I think I might not want her to leave at all."

Yotsuba's eyes widened. "Touchan?"

Koiwai smiled and rounded the little girl up, carrying her to the bedroom. He ruffled her hair. "You win, munchkin."

Yotsuba giggled happily.

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Author's Notes

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Since 9/27/12