Wednesday, April 6, 2016

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Today's Horoscope (Virgo): Help a friend confront indecision and self-doubt today.

After School

Tennis practice...

The girls are training hard for their upcoming matches. Everyone's a little sluggish after the long break. Coach Chrysalis seems a bit distracted today...

After practice, I find Chrysalis sitting on the bench, looking over something on her tablet. I sit down next to her, still scrubbing my hair. "Something wrong?"

She looks up and shakes her head, sighing. "Just...thinking." After a minute, she says, "During Spring Break...I got a job offer." She shows me her tablet. "Saeki Group. It's a Neighponese company with international interests. Their domestic firm has been trying to take a slice of Crystal Enterprises' pie for two years." She snorts ruefully. "They're actually part of why I got the boot. Neighponese companies are brutal." She shakes her head. "Anyway...they're trying to recruit me as senior VP of some damn thing. What they really want is insider info on Crystal Enterprises, but..." She sighs. "I'd...be back in the game, the pay would be good, and...I'd be on the fast track for advancement to the top." She chuckles. "The top...I spent half my life climbing that tower, then I got it knocked out from under me. Now I'm getting an offer to ride the express elevator..."

She falls silent.

"So...what're you gonna do?" I ask.

She sighs. "I...don't know," she says. "Part of me wants to jump at the chance, but..." She looks out at the dark red surface of the tennis court. "Do I really want that life back? I...I just don't know..." She shrugs. "Anyway, they say they're giving me time to decide, but...Saeki Group is known for its pressure tactics. The longer I wait to make a choice, the harder they're going to sit on me."

"Well...for what it's worth, we'd hate to lose you here when we're just barely getting used to you," I say. "And you seem to really enjoy this job."

She smiles. "I do," she says. "But...I'm wondering if this is what I really want, or if I'm just...licking my wounds here." She shakes her head. "I need to get going, got dinner plans with the kids. It's Gnat's birthday." She stands; I stand as well. "Thanks," she says. "I guess I needed to talk it out for a minute."

I gather up my gear and head back to the dorm.

Evening

After dinner, I'm practicing my guitar when there's a knock on the door. "Can...can I come in?"

It's Fluttershy.

"Sure."

Fluttershy walks in, shuffling her feet. "Umm..."

I slide over on the bed. "Have a seat."

She blushes and sits down.

"How are you feeling?" I ask. "Better?"

She sighs. "A little. I..." She plays with her hair. "Not really," she admits. "Going back to school...hurt. I look around, I see everybody around me, and..." She shudders. "I think about all the bad stuff I know about everybody, and how badly I could hurt them, and..." She bows her head; her shoulders shake. "How did I ever become such a terrible person?"

I hug Fluttershy. "I don't know how much of that was you and how much was that disgusting thing inside of you, but—"

She pulls away and gives me an odd look. "That's really weird coming from you," she says. "I've seen some of those Personas you..." She tilts her head. "How do you stand that? I...I mean...my Persona changing literally split my mind in two. You...you just keep pulling out new Persona after new Persona like it's...like it's nothing..." She tilts her head. "What are you?"

I shake my head. "Hell if I know," I say. "I don't understand it and I've pretty much given up trying. And if you think it doesn't affect me, you're wrong." I pull out my phone and show her my Persona app. "If I don't remember to change it back to my original Persona after every run in Zodiac, I..." I shrug and gesture vaguely. "I change. I don't feel like me. It's...it's weird."

"Huh." Fluttershy frowns thoughtfully. "I've never noticed," she says. "It's like...you're always exactly what everybody needs you to be, all the time..."

I snort. "Really? I'm just muddling through, like everybody else." I sigh. "I just...don't want to see any of my friends upset or hurt. Now that I actually have friends."

"You were pretty much a loser back in Seaddle, weren't you?" she asks.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Well...you're not a loser anymore," she says. She sighs. "If anyone's a loser, it's me..."

"You're not a loser," I say. I brush her hair away from her face. "You just need to forgive yourself and move past this."

She laughs quietly. "Just forgive myself, huh...? You make it sound so easy..."

I rub her back soothingly. "Listen...we're probably going into Zodiac to train on Sunday. You'll join us, right?"

"I...yes," she says. "I...I really should. Besides, I need to get used to this new Persona." She stands up and smooths out her skirt. "Umm...thank you," she says. "Goodnight."

I finish up my guitar practice and get ready for bed.