Sunday, June 19, 2016

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Today's Horoscope (Virgo): A ladybug and a black cat do not cancel each other out.

Early Morning

I'm the second one up on our floor; Twilight beat me to the shower. By the time I'm clean and dressed, Sonata's already in the bathroom and I can hear my parents just starting to stir. I decide to let them get up and about at their own pace and head downstairs. As I reach the lounge, I hear Twilight let out a frustrated groan. "Rainbow," she says in a resigned voice, "I'm telling you, you'd fly west, not east!"

"Pfft! Yeah, right!" Rainbow scoffs. "Like you wouldn't fly east to get to Austra—" she breaks off suddenly. "Oh crap, I gotta get my shit together! Celestia's pickin' me up in five minutes!" She shoots past me in a blur. I head into the dining room, where Twilight's already stuffing her face from an expansive breakfast spread Velvet has laid out.

"What was that all about?" I wonder.

Twilight rolls her eyes. "Just Rainbow Dash demonstrating why she's a straight C student."

"Why's your school principal picking Rainbow Dash up?" Velvet wonders as she spreads jelly on a biscuit.

"They're probably planning some surprise for her dad," I say.

"Didn't I tell you, Mom?" Twilight asks around a mouthful of scrambled eggs and sausage. "Principal Celestia's dating Rainbow's dad."

"Oh," Velvet says, blinking. "Actually, I think you did mention that. Sorry, must've slipped my mind."

I sit down and start loading up a plate. "I hope Sunset doesn't screw today up with her bullshit."

"Oh, she's gone already," Twilight says. "She left right around the time I came downstairs."

"Even whores have fathers," Velvet mutters sourly.

"Now, Mrs. Velvet," I say as I fold eggs onto a biscuit. "You really shouldn't call Sunset Shimmer a whore."

Velvet sighs. "You're right. It's not very decent of me."

"I don't think she's ever charged money for it," I add as I crumble some bacon onto the eggs. Twilight spits orange juice across the table and lets out a high-pitched, nasal, squealing giggle.

Velvet stares at me for a long moment, then shakes her head and snorts.

Before long, others start joining us for breakfast. Applejack and Apple Bloom look very somber today; they're both dressed sedately. Rarity and Sweetie Belle, meanwhile, are dressed nicely. More fancy than nice, in Rarity's case; she's wearing an elegant wine-colored dress and matching heels, with lots of fancy gold jewelry. Velvet smiles at Rarity. "Taking your father somewhere fancy, dear?"

"Hardly," Rarity sniffs. "Father's favorite restaurant is Anna Plura's Crab Lab, so that's where we'll be dining. Still, even if it's hardly haute cuisine, it is a special day, and I refuse to look less than my best for Father."

Sweetie Belle rolls her eyes. "Like anyone cares." She shoots her sister a sidelong glance. "Besides, odds are you'll ruin that dress with butter just like you did last year, and—"

Rarity clears her throat loudly. "Yes, well, there's no need to get into all that," she says.

Velvet blinks, then shakes her head. "And you two?" she asks, turning to the Apple sisters.

Apple Bloom sighs and hangs her head. Applejack winces. "Big Mac an' Granny Smith are comin' inta town in about an hour," she says roughly. "We're gonna go visit...his grave."

Velvet nods, a drawn, sympathetic expression on her face. "I can't imagine how it must feel, Father's Day being so soon after..."

Applejack shrugs. "Life goes on," she says. "He'd call us silly fer even goin' t' visit him today when there's so much work t' do."

"Work we'll be helping you with for the rest of the month," Twilight says with a gentle smile.

Applejack laughs quietly. "Y'all really are th' best friends," she says. "Why, with all y'all helpin' out, we'll git ahead o' th' summer work, maybe be in better shape fer th' harvest..."

Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Sonata all turned up while Applejack and the Twilights were talking. "Working on the farm is fun!" Pinkie says. "Mostly because your farm is so much more fun than that boring old rock farm I'm from."

Velvet sighs. "Pinkie, dear...I didn't think about how much today must—"

"I'm okay," Pinkie says with a smile. "All the family I need is right here, and I'm happy to help you all celebrate."

Velvet's mouth draws down in a dubious frown, but she shrugs and turns to Sonata. "And you, dear?"

Sonata shakes her head.

Daddy ran out on us before I was even out of diapers. Today doesn't mean anything to me.

"That's awful, dear!"

Sonata shrugs, popping a piece of bacon in her mouth.

Hesitantly, as though she honestly dreads the answer (or making another faux pas), Velvet turns to Fluttershy. "And...and you?"

Fluttershy starts buttering some toast. "Already sent my card and had my gift delivered to the house last week," she says. "Dad doesn't like for us to make a fuss." She smirks. "Knowing him, he won't get out of bed all day today. He likes using Father's Day as an excuse to be lazy."

"I know the type," Velvet says with a roll of her eyes. "Reminds me of my father."

After everyone finishes eating, Rarity, Sweetie Belle, Applejack, and Apple Bloom all leave to spend the day with their own families, while Fluttershy offers to take all the pets to the park. Sonata retreats to her room to spend the day playing video games; Velvet asks her to stick around, but she cheerfully waves her off. The rest of us gather up the Father's Day presents for the guys and regroup in the lounge.

Daytime

About ten minutes after Twilight, Velvet, Pinkie, and I head for the lounge, Cadance and Shining Armor enter from their apartment with Night Light, while Mom and Dad finally come downstairs. "There's still some breakfast left, but you'll need to reheat it," Velvet says. "We thought we'd have the men open their presents first."

"Sounds good to me," Night Light says as he sits down next to Velvet. Shining Armor sits on her other side.

"Let's let my little Shiny open his presents first," Velvet says, fondly ruffling Shining Armor's hair. "Since this is his very first Father's Day and all."

"Moooom!" Shining Armor whines, cheeks flaming. We all laugh.

"Well in that case, he can open mine first," I say, handing Shining Armor a small, flat box. He accepts it, giving it a cautious glance.

"It isn't condoms or anything, is it?" he asks.

I smirk. "If it were condoms, it'd be a lot smaller." Twilight giggles. The others snicker and groan. Shining Armor rolls his eyes and unwraps the box, opening it. He blinks as he takes out the wallet.

"A...wallet?" he asks curiously, turning it over in his hands.

"Oh, that's exactly what you needed!" Cadance says. "Wow, even I didn't think of that."

Shining Armor turns the wallet over in his hands. "It's a nice wallet and all, but why did you...? I mean, I've got—"

"A cheap velcro wallet," I say. "The kind most kids stop carrying when they're in junior high. Seriously. You're a married man with a child on the way. You need a real wallet."

He scratches his head sheepishly. "Wow, I...I never even really thought of it that way," he says awkwardly. "Thanks. I, umm...thanks."

"Look inside," Twilight says. "There's a little something from both of us in there."

Shining Armor opens the wallet and looks around. He pulls out a gift card. He beams. "Oh wow, thanks!" He looks at us. "Thank you both, seriously."

"There's more," Twilight says, holding out a package. "This one's just from me."

Shining Armor accepts it and unwraps it. His smile turns huge. "You found it! Oh man, I didn't think this was even out!"

"I think it just came in last week," Twilight says.

"Thanks, Twiley. You're the best sister ever."

"And this is from your father and I," Velvet says, handing Shining Armor a somewhat misshapen package. He unwraps it, revealing two items. One is a wrapped assortment of meat and cheese snacks; the other is a book titled How To Survive Your Pregnant Wife.

Shining Armor laughs. "Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad." He puts everything down, then pulls an octagonal gift box out from next to the sofa and hands it across to his dad. "Here's yours, by the way."

Night Light takes it and opens it. Inside is a black pork pie hat and a bottle of expensive aftershave. He grins, putting on the hat. "How do I look?"

"Like a dork, dear," Velvet says fondly. She passes over a large, flat box, which contains a pair of pants and two dress shirts.

"This one's from both of us," Twilight says as she passes over the package containing the fishing rod.

Everyone else leans in curiously as Night Light unwraps it. He gasps as the paper comes off the package. "Is this...is this a Roddenbaster?"

"We weren't sure if that'd do," Twilight says, scratching the back of her hand. "Neither of us really knows anything about—"

"This is PERFECT!" Night Light exclaims. "Oh wow, you didn't have to...oh my...how did you even know?!"

"Well, that beats the hat," Shining Armor grumbles. Cadance laughs, then pulls a small box from behind her back.

"Here, this one's from me," she says. Night Light opens it; inside is a snakeskin belt.

Next, it's my dad's turn. Everyone got him clothes, but he doesn't seem to mind; apparently, their exploits overseas did quite a number on his wardrobe. Once he's finished opening everything, he, Mom, Night Light, and Shining Armor raid what's left of breakfast. Cadance, meanwhile, stands up and heads back to the apartment.

"Cadance? Don't you want to eat?" Velvet asks.

"I'm meeting Dad for lunch," Cadance says. "I can wait until then. It's only about thirty minutes. He likes to eat early." She waves. "Keep the boys in line for me, okay?"

"I certainly will, dear. You enjoy your day with your father."

A little while later, while Twilight, Shining Armor, and Night Light sit down for some quality family time, I borrow Coach's car keys and take my parents out. Even though everyone's had a fairly big breakfast, I still feel like taking them out for a late lunch, so we go to an upscale little diner that isn't very busy and has a pleasant atmosphere. Dad seems preoccupied as he looks over the menu; he barely notices when the server brings us our drinks. After we order, he takes a long, slow sip of his drink.

"You know..." Dad says slowly, looking into his glass with a faraway expression. "Watching your girlfriend and her family, and the way you get along with them so easily..." He shakes his head and sighs. "That's what we should've been all this time, isn't it? A real family. Close, doing things together..."

Mom sighs. "Why didn't we ever make time for you?" she wonders. "All these years went by, and we just...we just thought if we let you take care of yourself, made sure you had whatever you needed..." She looks at me. "But we were so wrong. You needed us, and we were never there for you."

"It's a miracle you turned out as well as you did," Dad says. "I mean, apart from the whole 'sleeping with every girl in your dorm' thing." He pauses, then adds, "Actually, that..." He stops again, then shakes his head and laughs. "Honestly? I'm just jealous. And impressed."

Mom rolls her eyes. "Don't make it sound like our son being a pervert is a good thing!"

"I'm not a pervert, Mom!" I protest. "I'm a horndog. There's a difference."

Dad lets out a laugh. Mom stares at me, lips pursed...then shakes her head and laughs. After a moment, they trail off. Mom and Dad sigh.

"We should've been a family," Mom says, looking away. "When there was still time, we should've..." She sniffles. "And now it's...it's too late, isn't it?"

I sigh. "It's not so much that it's too late, it's...we just have a lot of time to make up for. And..." I smile. "Most parents know their children before their children know themselves. You're...just going to have to get to know your already grown, adult son." I shrug. "It's better than never really being a family at all."

Our food arrives, and we make idle conversation as we eat. We decide to order some dessert as well, and take our time enjoying it before taking one last cruise around Canterlot to round out our weekend.

Evening

Not long after we return to the dorm, Mom and Dad head upstairs to start packing and turn in early, since their flight leaves at four in the morning. After I give Shining Armor back his keys, I join him, Twilight, and Night Light in the lounge, where they're watching a movie and eating nachos.

Just as another movie is starting and Shining Armor is up getting another round of snacks for everyone, Rarity and Sweetie Belle return. Rarity is...not wearing the same clothes she was this morning. Gone are the elegant dress, the matching heels, and most of the jewelry. Instead, she's wearing a powder blue blouse that's been bundled up and tied just beneath her breasts, a denim skirt that seems a bit snug around the hips, and cobalt blue sandals with ankle straps.

I can't help it. I have to know.

"Hey, Rarity," I call. "So...that's not the same outfit you had on this morning."

She slowly turns and gives me a frosty stare.

"It looks good, though!" I add. "I mean, you always look great."

Rarity purses her lips, rolls her eyes, and heads for the stairs without a word.

As soon as her door slams, Sweetie Belle smirks and skips into the lounge, flopping down between Twilight and her dad. "She got pooped on," she reports cheerfully. "Right outside the house. We were just leaving for lunch when some bird pooped all over her."

"Gah!" Twilight cries, face wrinkling up in disgust.

"I know, right?" Sweetie Belle says, giggling. "She spent like, two whole minutes freaking out and screaming, and then she had to raid her closet for something else to wear. But most of her clothes at home don't really fit as well anymore because her boobs got so much bigger since she started high school, so—"

"We get it," Twilight says, holding up a hand to stop her.

"We still had a pretty good time though, even with Rarity's fashion faux poo," Sweetie Belle continues, grabbing some cold, leftover nachos that somehow haven't disappeared into the Twilight Zone. "Rarity even ate more than she usually does because she wasn't as worried about getting her clothes messed up."

"Well, I'm glad it didn't ruin Father's Day for your family," Night Light says.

"Ruin it?" Sweetie Belle snorts. "Daddy thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. He loves poop jokes." She shakes her head. "Anyway, Mom's gonna get Rarity's dress dry-cleaned, and it's not like she'll need it until after we get back from Sweet Apple Acres."

Not long after that, Applejack and Apple Bloom return, looking wrung out. They head upstairs without a word to anyone. Fluttershy returns shortly after, taking time to offer all the pets water before taking them all upstairs.

A little while later, I get up to use the bathroom, then check in on Mom and Dad to see if they need anything. After making them a couple of sandwiches and taking them upstairs, I wander around to see if anything needs to be done. There's a little mess Shining Armor made in the kitchen; I take a few minutes to clean that up. None of Twilight's family are still in the lounge, so I guess they must all be over in the apartment. I'm in the middle of cleaning up the lounge when Rarity wanders in, a tub of ice cream and a spoon in one hand and her phone in the other. She's changed into the T-shirt and shorts she usually wears around the dorm. She plops down heavily on the couch; after finishing up my cleaning, I join her.

"Wanna talk about it?" I ask.

She shoots me an annoyed glare...then sighs. "I suppose Sweetie Belle regaled you with the details of my unfortunate avian encounter."

I nod. "Yeah, she told us you got pooped on. It happens."

Rarity frowns. "I was so embarrassed and angry," she says. "For some reason, Father laughing about it only made me more furious. Here I am, going out of my way to look nice for him, and some beastly feathered fiend comes along and ruins a very expensive dress, and he's laughing!" She spoons ice cream into her mouth viciously. "The fact that I had to wear clothes two years out of style all day and alter them the way I did..." Her cheeks flush. "I don't mind dressing like that at the beach, but in town? In a restaurant? Even a place like the Crab Lab?"

I roll my eyes. "Rarity..."

"I know, I know..." Rarity sighs. "But you know...Father had a good time. He enjoyed his presents, he enjoyed our family lunch together, and...and he was so happy. And I guess...that's what today's really all...about..." She blinks as she looks at her phone. "What in the...?"

I peer over her shoulder. She has Canterbook open, and there's a photo of her and her family.

Rarity starts to seethe.

"Wait," I say. "Look."

Below that, there are comments on the original post.

Rarity blinks. "I...I don't believe it..."

I take Rarity's phone away and put it on the table, then turn to face her. "What's more important?" I ask. "Your reputation, or that you enjoyed being with your family today?"

Rarity sighs. "Being with my family, of course," she says, toying with her spoon.

"Then don't be such a drama queen about it," I say. "Sometimes you just have to be a little less Rarity and be a little more Rarity."

Rarity gives me a half-lidded look. "That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever," she says flatly.

"Yes it does," I counter. "You know exactly what I meant."

She rolls her eyes. "I suppose I do."

She sighs and looks at the ice cream. "I suppose I'd better put this back. I don't really need the empty calories." She gets up, stretches, and returns the ice cream to the freezer.

It's getting late, and I have to be up really early...

I head to my room, only to find Pinkie lying naked on my bed. She gives me a sultry smile.

I sigh tiredly. "Pinkie, my parents have to be at the airport at three in the morning. And I have to drive them."

Pinkie pouts. "Aww..." She makes a show of spreading her legs as she sits up. "Raincheck until tomorrow?"

"We'll see."

There's a knock on my door. "Flash, honey, sorry to oh you're busy nevermind."

Oh dear God that was MOM...

The door abruptly closes behind me. "Be sure you're up in time to take us to the airport!" Mom calls through the door.

I facepalm.

Pinkie giggles nervously. "Umm...oops?"

I grab a dirty shirt out of the laundry basket and throw it at her. "Goodnight, cotton twat."

Pinkie sticks her tongue out at me, pulls on the shirt I threw at her, then pads out of the room. I lock the door and flop down on the bed.