Tuesday, February 16, 2016

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Horoscope app is disabled due to system maintenance.

Morning

School begins a half hour late today. Homeroom has been replaced with a school assembly.

Celestia and Luna stand on the stage. They're wearing black. An older couple stands with them. They look positively miserable; I'm guessing they must be Snips' parents.

A large photograph of Snips hangs behind the podium.

"It's never easy when one of our students is lost," Celestia says. "The tragedy of a young life, cut short before it can truly begin...nothing makes me sadder. I don't have children of my own—I consider all of you, every student that has ever walked these halls, my children. This...this is not the first time I've had to face the reality that I may never see a particular child's smiling face in this school again.

"Snips joins an alarmingly growing list of troubled teens who have disappeared in the past year, never to be seen again. While we certainly hope he is alive and well and will be found one day..." She looked with sympathy and pity at his parents. "The truth is, we may never know what happened. So today, we're here to honor the memory of Snips, and offer a moment of silent prayer for him and his family."

We all bow our heads respectfully. I never liked Snips, but he didn't deserve this...

If only we'd...

After a time, Celestia speaks again.

"As you have no doubt noticed, many Canterbook services are unavailable this morning. Due to a number of recent hacking incidents, we've commissioned an independent review of Canterbook's security, and have found a number of discrepancies. We're going to be working to tighten security for the protection of our academic data and our students' privacy. I ask you all to be patient while system maintenance is being performed.

"There will now be a fifteen minute break, after which you are all to report to your second period class."

I need to take a piss, so I head to the restroom. After I'm finished, I decide to head to this one disused dead-end corridor in the west wing of the school. It's a good place to collect your thoughts, because nobody ever goes down there. The lights don't work, there's no classrooms, none of the lockers are in use because nobody really even uses lockers anymore at CHS...

As I reach the dead end, I find Juan, staring up at the lights and frowning. "It's as if this one row of lights just doesn't want to work," he mutters. He turns and sees me. "Oh! Hello. Did the assembly end already?"

"Yeah."

Juan stretches, popping his back. "I'm just taking a minute myself," he says. He frowns. "I've noticed they're doing maintenance on Canterbook."

"Yeah. Principal Celestia said something about tightening up system security."

Juan snorts. "It's about time Celestia took things more seriously." He looks at me. "Did you know that Canterbook isn't the first attempt at an all-digital, all-online format at Canterlot High? Ten years ago, I was the lead developer on Project Wondercolt. The school spent millions of dollars on fiber optics, routers, servers, a social media platform, digital textbooks...it was supposed to be the most advanced, progressive education platform in the country."

"So what happened?"

"Well...the social media elements led to...quite a bit of online bullying. Oh, there were several incidents...suicides, two school shootings...ultimately, the decision was made to pull the plug, and, well...I was thrown under the bus." He chuckles ruefully. "Of course, after that, my career in network development was over. No company would touch me. Celestia never believed that everything that happened here was my fault, and offered me a job...as a janitor. A janitor!" He snorts. "Well...it was better than the alternative, and she did offer me a considerably higher pay grade than anything I could've landed after my fall from grace...

"Then, four years ago, she decided to try again. After, of course, Wondercolt's successors had tested successfully elsewhere. After two years of development, Canterbook was brought online. I was given Tier Three access because of my experience with social media and online education systems..."

So that's why...

"But from what I hear, Canterbook is turning into more of the same. It's just...rather more subtle than the old Wondercolt system. And yet, perhaps more sinister?" Juan shakes his head. "No matter how much technology changes, the one thing that will never change is the cruelty of children."

The bell rings.

"Well, you'd better hurry on to class," Juan says. "I'm glad we had this little chance to chat!" He shuffles off, whistling tunelessly.

I head to class.

After School

At Music Club, I ask Octavia why she wasn't at the dance.

"My mother," she says with a tired sigh. "She's becoming more and more unreasonable of late."

"You're going to have to confront her sooner or later."

"I know."

She hooks up the bass, and we spend the rest of Music Club jamming.

Evening

After dinner, I'm working on my homework when Celestia walks in.

"Did you enjoy your Valentine's Day, Flash?" she asks.

"Yeah, me and Twilight...umm...had a good time," I say.

Celestia smirks. "In a different way than the way you two usually 'have a good time', I hope." She sighs. "I envy you two. You're so obviously in love..." She sits down on my bed, folding her hands in her lap. "I can't honestly think of a single person I'm remotely interested in...and I'm getting a little too old for that sort of thing."

"You're, uhh...not that old," I say, coughing.

"Days like today, I feel old," she says. "But thank you." She shifts her legs. "I just feel like I've lost control of everything lately. I can't even figure out who's screwing around with Canterbook...shouldn't I be able to do that sort of thing?"

I shrug. "Whoever it is, they're pretty good at covering their tracks."

Celestia nods. "That they are." She frowns. "Rainbow Dash seemed very uncomfortable at dinner. I suppose she still feels awkward around me after that spoofed message." She runs a hand through her hair. "Doesn't she realize I'm not blaming her for that? The whole thing is silly..."

I cough. "Actually..."

Should I do this?

Celestia looks at me. "Yes?"

Dammit...

I sigh. "The reason things are so...awkward with Rainbow Dash is because, well..." I take a deep breath. "She does have a crush on you."

Celestia's eyes widen.

"And that mess with the hacker..."

"Oh my God," Celestia says, closing her eyes. "She must have felt humiliated."

"And angry. That whole thing really hurt her."

Celestia sighs. "Well. That certainly explains a lot." She frowns. "I thought Rainbow Dash wasn't a lesbian?"

"She's...still trying to figure that out, I think," I say. I smile. "I think you actually turned her gay."

Celestia blushes. "Oh. Well. That's...well." She coughs awkwardly. "Well...I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint her...for a number of reasons," she adds under her breath. "But now that I know what's really going on, maybe I can clear the air with her." She smiles. "Thank you for telling me that."

"I just hope Rainbow doesn't kill me for it," I say.

Celestia laughs. "Well..." She ducks her head. "I guess...if I can turn a teenage girl gay...maybe I'm not that old after all..." She stands and stretches, yawning. "Goodnight, Flash."

I watch her leave, then shake my head and go back to my homework.

As I get ready for bed, I can't help but have a mental image of Celestia and Rainbow Dash having sex...

Great. Now I've got the boner from hell. It'll take forever to get to sleep...