Persona EG LTE | Mythril Moth Creations

Today's Horoscope (Virgo): What you're thinking about doing isn't really in anybody's best interests. Why not just leave things the way they are?

Early Morning

It's barely dawn when Applejack and Cadance drag us all out of the tents and tell us to hurry over to the house and wash up for breakfast.

Rainbow, Rarity, and Scootaloo have to literally be dragged out.

A rooster starts crowing as we're all getting organized. Apple Bloom nudges Scootaloo. "Hey Scoots! There's yer boyfriend!"

Scootaloo punches her, then tackles her to the dirt. Sweetie Belle tries to break them up. Before anyone can really process what's happening, the three girls are scrabbling around on the ground, kicking and slapping and pulling hair and screaming. Their fighting wakes up all the animals, and the farm suddenly gets hellaciously noisy.

"OKAY NOW, BREAK IT UP!" Applejack yells. She dives into the pile and pulls out Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle spends a minute punching and slapping herself before she realizes the fight is over and stands up, brushing herself off sheepishly.

Cadance puts her hands on her hips. "REALLY, girls! WHAT has gotten into you?"

"It's mah fault," Apple Bloom says with a sigh. "Ah know chicken jokes git on Scootaloo's nerves. Sorry, Scootaloo."

Scootaloo sighs. "I'm sorry I hit you."

A stray hen flutters over and lands on Scootaloo's head.

We all stare at her. Rainbow starts snickering. Pinkie and Sonata giggle.

After a long moment, the hen clucks loudly, then takes off.

She laid an egg.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle stare at Scootaloo with blank expressions. Cadance blinks several times. Rarity starts giggling, as does Twilight. Rainbow, Pinkie, and Sonata keel over laughing. Even Fluttershy covers her mouth, fighting not to laugh.

Applejack coughs. "Uhh, Scoots? Y'got a little somethin'...on yer head..."

"Now that's what I call breakfast in bedhead!" Rainbow whoops. This sends everybody into fresh laughing fits.

Scootaloo reaches up, plucks the egg off her head, and stares at it with a flat, unamused expression.

"Hey, at least it isn't shit," I offer.

As soon as everyone's over their laughing fit, we head to the house. With so many of us and only one bathroom, it takes a while for everybody to freshen up; by the time we're done, Granny Smith has breakfast ready. She's made a mountain of buttermilk biscuits; there's a pot of country gravy, butter, and maple syrup to choose from, as well as sausage patties, bacon, and fried ham. There's also a mess of scrambled eggs for everybody (this sets Rainbow and Sonata off again).

"Y'all eat up now," Granny Smith says. "Don't be shy. You're gonna need yer strength."

As we all sit down with overloaded plates, Shining Armor says, "We need to discuss what everybody's going to be doing this morning."

"I've got a list," Twilight says as she makes a biscuit, sausage, and gravy sandwich. "Rarity, you and I will be repainting the sign at the entrance. You've got ladders, right, Big Macintosh?"

"Eeyup," Big Mac says.

"Good, because we forgot to bring any." She checks her list again as she stuffs her biscuit sandwich in her mouth. "Fhffrfy—"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Twi," I chide.

"If she didn't, she'd never talk at all!" Pinkie says.

Twilight gives me a cross glare and throws her clipboard at me. I catch it. "Fluttershy, you need to feed the chickens and collect the eggs, then feed the pigs."

"Okay."

"Coach, we're helping Big Mac fix the barn roof."

"Good thing it's still cold out," Shining Armor mutters.

"Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, you're milking cows."

"Eww," Scootaloo complains.

"It's either that or cleaning shit out of the chicken coop," I say.

"Cows! Love cows! Gotta milk 'em all!"

"Rainbow, you and Applejack are cleaning shit out of the chicken coop once Fluttershy's done collecting the eggs."

"Oh, fu—" Rainbow catches herself. "I mean, gross!"

Applejack chuckles. "It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it."

"Pinkie, you and Cadance will be helping Granny Smith around the house and in the kitchen."

"Hey, why do they get the easy job?" Rainbow complains.

Granny Smith lets out a spate of barking, wheezing laughter. "Easy?" she cries. "Child, you ain't got no idea whut Ah do day in an' day out around here!"

I shake my head. "Sonata, you need to fill the water troughs for the pigs, the cows, the horses...pretty much everything. After that, see who needs help."

Sonata salutes...with her fork, which has a piece of ham on it. It's an adorable sight.

"So...that's all we're doing today?" Sweetie Belle asks.

I laugh. "Not even close. That's just the first set of chores." I toss Sweetie Belle the checklist. She looks over it, and her eyes triple in size.

"What the...? But...? HOW?!"

Apple Bloom takes it and looks it over. "Eeyup, pretty normal day around here," she says. "With this many of us here, we might actually even git it all done."

Scootaloo takes the list and reads it. Her jaw drops. "Oh, you have got to be KIDDING ME!"

"Y'all finish eatin' now," Applejack says. "We've got lotsa chores t' do."

Fluttershy's the first to finish eating. "Where's the chicken feed?" she asks.

"All th' feed fer all th' critters is in th' feed shed," Granny Smith says. "It's right by th' barn. Baskets fer th' eggs are hangin' on th' wall outside th' coop."

"I'll get started then." Fluttershy takes her plate to the kitchen, then heads out.

"Y'all don't worry about th' dishes," Granny Smith says. "Me an' th' pink gals'll take care of that."

"We should hang the checklist outside the house," Twilight says. "That way, when everybody finishes doing something, they can come take another assignment."

"Good idea."

As soon as Applejack's finished eating, she ducks into one of the downstairs closets and comes back out with a jar of MenthoRub and two pairs of thick rubber gloves, one of which she tosses to Rainbow. "C'mon now," she says. "Quicker we git this done, quicker we can move on t' somethin' less nasty."

"What's the MenthoRub for?" Rainbow asks as she downs the last of her orange juice.

"Th' stank."

Granny Smith chuckles. "We got that'n off'a one'a them po-lice shows," she says.

"It makes cleanin' th' coop an' th' stables an' what-not a mite less nasty," Applejack says as she heads for the door. Rainbow follows her, grumbling.

Everyone else finishes their breakfast, and we all start heading off to our own chores. Big Mac, Shining Armor, Twilight, Rarity, and I head out to the barn. "I do hope we have the right colors of paint for the sign," Rarity says.

"We've got five or six different colors of paint in the van," Shining Armor says. "I'm pretty sure you'll be good."

"You girls might have a bit of trouble," Big Mac says. "We've only got two ladders an' we need one of 'em here."

Twilight shrugs. "We'll figure it out." She grabs one of the ladders.

"Oh shit, wait," Shining Armor says. He fumbles around in his pockets and pulls out the keys to the van. "You'll be good just driving the van down to the front gates, right?" he asks Twilight.

Twilight rolls her eyes. "I think I can manage."

"Okay, because I don't think you girls want to carry a ladder and paint and paint stuff all the way to the gate," Shining Armor says.

Rarity makes a face. "Yes, that would...not be ideal."

"Don't worry, big brother," Twilight says. "Come on, Rarity. Let's get this done so we can help with something else."

The girls leave. As they do, I notice Big Mac's gaze following them. So does Shining Armor. "My sister's taken," he says.

Big Mac snaps himself out of it and blushes. "Wasn't oglin' yer sister," he says.

"Uh-huh."

Big Mac ducks his head. "Th' other girl," he says. "She's mighty pretty."

"She's seventeen," Shining Armor says.

Big Mac shrugs. "Jes' sayin'."

Shining Armor shrugs. "You're right though," he says. "She's got a really nice ass." He coughs. "Uhh...not that I..." He clears his throat. "Anyway, let's get to work."

Big Mac frowns. "Better not catch you sayin' somethin' like that about mah sister," he says.

"Actually, I, uhh...usually don't even notice Applejack," Shining Armor says. "Not that I'm ever really even in the dorm."

Big Mac grunts, then gives me a look and tilts his head.

I shrug. "AJ's not my type," I say. "Plus I have a girlfriend."

"Two girlfriends," Shining Armor mutters as he grabs the other ladder.

"A girlfriend and a friend with benefits."

Big Mac frowns at that. "You cheat on yer girl?"

"No, it's..." I grab a wooden toolbox and head for the barn door. "It's complicated."

"Flash here turned my sister into a pervert," Shining Armor says.

"Actually Pinkie Pie did that," I say. At Big Mac's confused frown, I decide to explain. "Pinkie Pie is in love with me and she's also in love with Twilight. So we just..." I shrug. "She's kind of both our girlfriend."

Big Mac's brow furrowed. "Y'mean you an' yer girl both...with that pink girl?"

"Yeah."

Big Mac blinks. "An' you know about all that?" he asks Shining Armor.

Shining Armor rolls his eyes. "Wish I didn't, but yeah. I'm...learning to live with it. As long as Twiley's happy, I guess that's all that matters."

Big Mac shakes his head. "Dang. City life shore is funny."

"Trust me, those three are not normal," Shining Armor says with a laugh. "But Flash is a good kid and Pinkie...well, everybody likes Pinkie."

"Almost everybody," I say as I follow them around to the side of the barn.

Shining Armor grimaces. "Almost everybody, yeah." He shakes his head. "I still can't believe her family did that to her." He sets the ladder up against the barn wall.

"Whut's that now?" Big Mac asks as he starts to climb the ladder.

"Her parents disowned her," I say.

Big Mac stops climbing and stares down at me. "Whut?!"

I shrug. "They're assholes."

"My mom and my wife are paying Pinkie's tuition and board so she can stay at CHS and live in the dorm," Shining Armor says. "Otherwise, well...Pinkie'd be homeless or something."

"I don't think she'd be homeless," I say. "I'm pretty sure the Cakes would've taken her in. But yeah...nobody wanted to see her go."

"Dang," Big Mac says. "How in th' hairy hell'd she manage t' get disowned?"

"Well, Pinkie's a little free-spirited and her parents are...really strict. Like, Amish strict. They saw a video of her wearing a skimpy Halloween costume, flipped out, and disowned her."

"Shit," Big Mac says. "That jes' ain't right. Hell, Ah reckon Pa'd be upset if AJ went t' th' beach in one'a them thong bikinis, but he wouldn't even ground her for it." He finishes climbing. Shining Armor climbs halfway up the ladder; I pass him the toolbox, and he passes it up to Big Mac before finishing the climb. I follow him up.

The roof is a mess. It doesn't exactly have big holes in it or anything, but it's obvious if it isn't fixed, the whole thing will go in the next big rain.

We set to work, making idle chit-chat to pass the time. Even with the cold temps, the sun shining down on us makes it hot on the barn roof; I'm working up a different kind of sweat than the one I usually work up on the tennis court.

Big Macintosh appears to be far more talkative around other men than he is around girls. We learn a lot more about just how bad the Apple family's situation is, as well as Big Mac's lamentations that he doesn't have time to find a woman to settle down with.

One thing about the farm has been bothering me since I arrived. "Say, Big Mac, isn't Sweet Apple Acres an apple farm?"

"Eeyup."

"So what's with all the chickens and pigs and cows and what-not?"

Big Mac scratches his nose. "Can't live on jes' apples," he says. "Sure, apples an' jams an' cider are our product, but it don't make no sense t' go clear t' town fer milk an' bread an' meat an' such when we can make our own. We git out t' that there warehouse club store in Canterlot three or four times a year fer stuff like sugar an' what-not in bulk, but most'a whut we eat here at home, we grow right on th' farm."

"Wow, that must save you guys a lot of money," Shining Armor says.

"Eeyup." Big Mac grunts and shifts his weight. "An' t' be honest, now that it's jes' me an' Granny Smith livin' on th' farm, we can bumper off a lotta our eggs an' pork an' such, so...that's helpin'."

"But not enough for you to hire on some hands?"

Big Mac shakes his head. "It jes ain't in th' budget." He looks down at his hands and sighs. "Maybe after...after Pa passes..." His eyes start to mist over. "When...when we ain't got his doctor bills, an'...an' Applejack's schoolin' money's set, we can..." He swallows hard. "At least, that's...that's what AJ was sayin' th' other day." His lip trembles. "She was talkin'...talkin' about th' money we're spendin' on Pa like...like it's a bad thing...Ah got so mad..." He sighs. "But...Granny talked me down, told me...she didn't mean nothin' by it..." He sighs. "An'...an' Ah know she didn't. AJ...she's gotta do Pa's job now..." He clenches his fists. "All 'cuz Ah'm dumb as a post."

"I don't think you're dumb at all," Shining Armor says. "You sure don't sound dumb to me."

"Me neither."

Big Mac shrugs. "Ah got horse sense, Ah know how t' work th' farm, but Ah ain't th' right kinda smart t' do whut Pa did. Ah'm jes' a simple farm boy."

"Dude. If you can do all that shit on that checklist every single day all by yourself, there's nothing simple about you," Shining Armor says. "I couldn't get through half of that without passing out. And I'm a gym coach!"

Big Mac chuckles. "Hell, thanks," he says. "An' thank y'all again fer comin' out t' help. Even jes' knockin' down little things like this'll make a big difference."

"Don't mention it," Shining Armor says.

We get back to work on the roof. As we work, we listen to everything that's happening below us. Spike and Winona are chasing chickens around, Apple Bloom and her friends are having an argument about udders on their way back from the cows, Rainbow Dash is bitching about being covered in chicken shit. After a couple of hours, the van pulls back up in the yard, and Twilight and Rarity return the other ladder to the barn. "How's it going up there?" Twilight yells.

"Good," I call back. "We could use something to drink up here."

"Got it!" Five minutes later, Pinkie, wearing cute fuschia overalls with a white heart on the front, climbs up the ladder and pulls three cold bottles of fizzy apple cider out of her hair, which she hands to us before climbing back down.

"How'd she do that?" Big Macintosh wonders.

"Dunno. Gave up trying to figure that out months ago."

"...she weren't wearin' nothin' under them overalls, was she?"

"Nope."

"Free spirit, huh?"

"Yep."

It's almost noon when we finish with the roof. We started at eight. By the time we've put everything away, Cadance comes out to call everybody inside for lunch.

Daytime

Lunch is the best fried chicken I've ever had in my life, mashed potatoes with gravy, cole slaw, corn on the cob, and more buttermilk biscuits, with apple pie for dessert.

"So what exactly did you two do inside all morning while we were finding out what comes out of one of these first-hand?" Rainbow asks as she picks up a drumstick and takes a big bite.

"Well, for starters, we were cooking all this," Cadance says. "We also had to clean the house, and Granny Smith has been teaching us how she makes apple butter."

"It's a lot of work," Pinkie says.

"How's that there sign lookin' now, Twilight?" Applejack asks.

Twilight shoots Rarity an odd glance. "Well...it definitely says Sweet Apple Acres," she says.

Rarity pouts. "We could have done ever so much more with it, darling."

"I'm sure the Apples will appreciate what we did just fine," Twilight says. "All the other things you wanted to add...well, would've been unnecessary. And cluttered. And it's not like the farm is up on the main road where people will see it anyway."

Rarity sighs. "All very good points, I suppose."

Applejack raises an eyebrow. "So uhh...whut does th' sign look like now?" she asks nervously.

Twilight pulls out her phone, fiddles with it for a second, and passes it over to Applejack. Applejack lets out a sigh of relief. "Well, that ain't so bad." She holds it up so we can all see:

"Well, that's not too bad at all," Granny Smith says. "Heck, it looks a heck of a lot better than it did!"

"Eeyup," Big Mac agrees.

"Rarity wanted to paint all kind of intricate little trim and accents on it," Twilight says. "I practically had to drag her off the ladder."

We take our time with lunch so that we can rest up from the morning's chores. After lunch, Applejack herds the girls off, Pinkie and Cadance disappear into the kitchen with Granny Smith again, and Big Mac leads me and Shining Armor out to a long, low building a good half a mile from the house in the opposite direction from the barn. As we approach, I can smell something coming from the building.

Shining Armor smells it too. His eyes light up. "Is...is this what I think it is?" he asks.

"Eeyup," Big Mac says. "This here's our smokehouse." He grins. "Thought y'all might like t' help out with this one."

Oh hell yes.

Evening

It's an hour past sunset when we all return to the farmhouse, sweaty and exhausted, for dinner, which is fried ham steaks, cornbread, cabbage, and yams.

Nobody has any energy for anything but sleep after dinner, so we all head for the tents and crawl right into our sleeping bags.

As I'm wriggling around to get comfortable, Twilight lets out a low moan. "Mmm," she says, scooting closer to me and sniffing me. "You smell good. Like...like bacon."

"Yeah, we were working in the smokehouse this afternoon," I say. "Ham, bacon, cheese..."

Twilight whimpers. "No fair!"

"Go to sleep, Twi. Busy day tomorrow."

I close my eyes and roll over.

I'm almost asleep when I feel Twilight hovering over me...

"I'm not bacon, Twi. Go to SLEEP."

Twilight makes a pouting noise, thumps me upside the head, and goes back to her sleeping bag. Pinkie snickers.