Friday, February 26, 2016
Friday, February 26, 2016
Today's Horoscope (Virgo): Don't do anything this weekend you might regret.
After School
Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow, and I meet up at the school entrance and head back to the dorm together. When we arrive, we find an unfamiliar SUV and a large, boxy moving van parked outside.
"Cadance says she's picking up Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle," Twilight says, looking at her phone.
Pinkie also has her phone out. "Everybody else should be here in a few minutes," she says. "I hope, anyway. Fluttershy's ignoring me."
Vice-Principal Luna's car pulls up to the front. Two doors open, disgorging Luna and Fluttershy.
"I'll help with as much of your packing as I can," Luna says to us.
"Oh, there's no need for that," Twilight says. "We can manage."
"I'll...I'll get Angel ready for you," Fluttershy says softly.
Shining Armor comes out of the apartment, lugging two suitcases and a medium-sized tote bag. "Hey kids," he says. "Everybody hurry and get your stuff together. We need to book ASAP."
We all hurry inside to pack. It takes me five minutes to throw some jeans and T-shirts, underwear, socks, towels, and toiletries into my suitcase, as well as my phone charger. I'm not taking my guitar or my laptop to the farm.
I head downstairs with my suitcase just as Rarity, Sonata, and Applejack are coming in. I head outside to find Shining Armor loading a cooler into the van. "Suitcases in the van," he grunts. I walk over and—
Holy crap.
The front end of the van is full of lumber, tools, paint cans, and bags of fertilizer. Behind that, there's a huge pile of camping gear. Cadance and Shining Armor's luggage is in behind that.
Shining Armor loads the cooler. "Got one more of these," he says.
"Holy shit," I say. "Isn't this a bit much for two days?"
"Three actually," he says. "We have Monday off, remember?"
"Oh, that's right!" I smack my forehead. "I completely forgot about that." Monday is Leap Day, and the school district is using it as an excuse for a three-day weekend.
It takes almost an hour for all the girls to change clothes and pack their stuff. During the packing and loading, Cadance and the younger girls show up, Rarity's mother shows up to collect Opal, and Luna leaves with Angel and Gummy. Twilight puts Spike's carrier in the SUV I'll be driving.
Just as we're getting the last of the stuff packed, a car drives up. The chicken girl jumps out, a backpack slung over her shoulder.
"Ah invited Scootaloo to come with us," Apple Bloom says.
Once everybody is ready, Shining Armor hands me the keys to the rental, then climbs into the van. Pinkie, Twilight, Rainbow, Rarity, and Sonata ride with me; Applejack, Fluttershy, and the three younger girls are riding with Cadance.
I wonder if Granny Smith and Big Macintosh know we're about to inflict almost a dozen strangers on them...
Cadance takes the lead, with me behind her, and Shining Armor bringing up the rear.
Within five minutes, I wish Pinkie Pie was in the other car.
After fifteen minutes on the road, Rarity gags Pinkie with a tampon.
"It's not that you don't have a lovely singing voice, darling," Rarity says apologetically, "but I do believe none of us wish to hear all ninety-nine bottles."
"Amen to that!" Rainbow says.
Pinkie whines through the tampon and crosses her arms, looking annoyed.
Evening
It takes just over an hour to reach Sweet Apple Acres. The farm is bordered by a low white wooden fence reinforced with chicken wire; the gravel trail that winds up through the farm is topped with a tall, faded sign that proclaims, in weathered, chipped green and red paint:
There's a mailbox and a newspaper box by the entrance; the gates are wide open. We drive up the trail. All around us are empty (but plowed) fields with wooden marker posts. Off to our left, there's an old red barn, with a grain silo beyond that. Off to the right, there's a large pig pen, with a dozen or so fat pigs rooting and rolling in mud. Beyond that, there's a chicken coop. A couple dozen hens are roaming around, pecking and clucking.
After about a three quarter mile drive, we reach a long, two-story farmhouse. "Rustic" is the only word I can think of to describe it. It's old, it's wooden, there are country curtains hanging in the windows, there's rainbarrels under the gutters, and there's a long, rough wooden bench outside, next to a pair of rocking chairs.
Beyond the house, there's acres and acres of trees.
As soon as I stop the car, Pinkie spits out the tampon. "Woooow, it's so...farmy!" she says. Then she coughs, hacks, and splutters. "Eww, can't get the taste of tampon off my tongue..."
"Well, this place is certainly...charming," Rarity says as we get out.
"I like it," Twilight says, taking a deep breath and smiling. "It's nice."
Big Macintosh walks out of the house, a bottle halfway to his lips. His eyes widen as the rest of the girls pile out of the other SUV.
Applejack runs up to him and gives him a hug. "We're here, Big Mac," she says.
Big Mac stares at us. "Uhh...eeeyup," he says.
Shining Armor opens the van. "Okay, everybody help get the gear unloaded. Don't worry about the tools and stuff right now, we'll deal with all that in the morning. Big Macintosh, can you help me with the coolers? We brought...like, a ton of food with us."
Big Mac blinks. "Sure," he says.
"Do Ah hear mah granddaughter out there?" Granny Smith waddles out of the house. She grins when she sees us and slaps her knee. "Well bust mah brassiere! Applejack said she was bringin' some friends out t' th' farm fer th' weekend. She didn't say she was bringin' a whole dang army!"
Applejack chuckles. "Granny Smith, this is everybody from th' dorm, plus a tagalong we picked up. Ah'll introduce everybody y'all ain't met yet once we git that there truck unpacked."
Even with all of us working, it takes four trips to unload all the luggage, the coolers, and the camping gear. The Apples look confused by that.
"We're camping in the orchard," Twilight explains as she walks past Granny Smith with two sleeping bags. "It was Rainbow's idea."
"Oh, well, was it now? Well, Ah reckon if'n y'all don't think it's too cold out fer that," Granny says. "Sure will make it easier figgerin' out where'n th' high heck t' put y'all!" She laughs.
"Eeyup," Big Mac agrees. He looks me over as I carry a packaged tent past. "Do much farm work, city boy?"
"Not a day in my life," I reply. "I think I can handle it."
"Hey now, don't tease them folk, Big Mac," Apple Bloom says. "They all gave up a three-day weekend t' come out an' help us out."
Big Mac nods to me, looking sheepish. "Much obliged," he says.
"Not at all," I say. "Seeing how upset and stressed out your sisters have been lately, we all wanted to do whatever we could to help out." I shift awkwardly. "I'm sorry about...y'know...your dad."
Big Mac sighs. "Eeyup." He trudges off into the house, carrying one of the coolers Shining Armor brought on one broad shoulder.
"Once y'all get all unloaded, come on in an' sit a spell," Granny Smith says. "Ah'll whip up supper fer ever'body..." She frowns as she looks us all over. "Course, it...uh...might'n take a while..."
"I'll help make dinner, Granny Smith," Cadance says.
"Oh, I'll be delighted to help as well," Rarity offers.
"Nah, Rarity, you rest up with th' others," Applejack says. "Ah'll help Granny an' Nurse Cadance." She grins. "Ah know Granny's recipes, it'll go a lot faster an' Ah'm sure we're all starvin'."
Fortunately, the Apples' living room is fairly large; there's enough places for most of us to sit down, and plenty of floor space for everybody else. Everybody introduces themselves to Big Mac (and Granny Smith, who's listening from the kitchen).
"Land sakes, y'all brought enough food t' feed an army!" Granny yells from the kitchen.
"Well, we brought an army," Cadance replies with a giggle.
"So Apple Bloom, are we gonna have a sleepover in your room?" Scootaloo asks.
"Ah kinda wanted t' camp out with everybody else," Apple Bloom says. "Ah guess we could spend one night in my room, though."
Big Mac looks around at us. His eyes settle on Shining Armor. "That pretty lady in th' kitchen, she yer wife?"
"Yeah."
Big Mac nods. "Reckon y'all better take a guest room, let th' kids camp outside."
"Thanks," Shining Armor says.
Big Mac looks at me. "Got another guest room," he says. "Since you're th' only boy an' all..."
"Oh, he's camping with us," Pinkie says.
Twilight blushes. "Y-yeah...we'll be fine sharing a tent," she says.
Big Mac frowns thoughtfully, but shrugs.
With a sudden fit of loud yapping, a brown and white collie scampers into the room, panting and wagging her tail. She jumps up on Apple Bloom and barks happily.
Apple Bloom giggles. "Well hey there, Winona! Happy t' see me, girl?"
"Ooh, she's cute," Fluttershy says, leaning down. She holds out her hand and whistles. Winona scampers over to her, sniffs her hand, and licks it. Fluttershy giggles and scratches Winona's ears. "How old is she?"
"'Bout seven years," Big Macintosh says. "She's a good farm dog."
"Oh crud, I forgot to get Spike out of his carrier!" Twilight says suddenly. "He was so quiet all the way up here..." Blushing, she runs back out to the SUV; she returns a few minutes later with Spike. She sets him down; he wriggles around a bit and scampers over to Winona. They sniff each other curiously, then start going around in circles, prancing and barking and play-growling. After a full minute of this, they tear off into the yard.
"He fixed?" Big Mac asks.
"Yes, he is."
"Okay then."
Applejack walks in with a case of cold sodas. "Y'all help yourselves," she says. "We got plenty." She heads back to the kitchen.
"So, Big Macintosh, do you have a list of things we can do around the farm to help you out?" Twilight asks.
Big Macintosh scratches his chin as he takes a long swig of his drink. "Ah can make one up if you want," he says.
"Please do," Twilight says. "I can help you with that if you like."
"Twilight loves lists," I say.
"I did notice the sign at the gate is rather, well...neglected," Rarity says. "Would you care to have us repaint it, maybe update it a bit?"
Big Mac blinks at her. "Uhhh...eeyup?" he ventures quizzically.
We spend the better part of the next hour chatting with Big Mac, with Granny occasionally poking her head out to jump into the conversation. The girls introduce themselves, we all get to know Big Mac about as well as we can—the man doesn't say much—and generally talking about what we might be able to do around the farm. Fluttershy insists on taking care of anything animal-related.
Applejack starts setting up a bunch of tray tables in the living room and bringing out napkins and silverware. Not long after that, she, Cadance, and Granny Smith start bringing out plates heaped with chicken fried steak and gravy, tater tots, corn on the cob, greens, and biscuits.
"It ain't much, but it oughta git y'all fed up fer th' night," Granny Smith says. "Got a couple pies bakin' fer later."
"Wow, thanks, Granny Smith," Twilight says. "You didn't have to go to this much trouble for us!"
"Weren't no trouble, child," Granny Smith says with a pleased smile. "Go ahead, eat up, everybody!"
The food is filling and delicious. After we've all eaten, Rarity and Pinkie wash the dishes while the rest of us head out to start setting up the tents and getting our camp supplies organized. Applejack tells us that the pies will be cooled and ready to eat by the time we're done.
There are four large weatherproof tents. It takes a while to get them all set up and staked down in a clear area near the orchard.
"Let's see," Twilight says. "Applejack's staying in her own bedroom. Can't say I blame her. So...how are we gonna divide up the tents?"
"Me, Sweetie Belle, an' Scootaloo in one tent!" Apple Bloom calls.
"Me, you, and Flashie in another!" Pinkie declares.
"I'll bunk with Fluttershy," Rarity says.
"Guess that leaves the last tent for me an' Sonata," Rainbow says. "That okay with you, Sonata?"
Sonata gives a thumbs-up.
"Alright," Twilight says, making a note of it on her clipboard. Where the clipboard came from, I have no idea...
We load sleeping bags and blankets into the tents, then set up the portable no-mess camp stove in the clearing between the four tents. I help Shining Armor stake down several pole-mounted LED lanterns around the tents, which we turn on as soon as we're done setting up camp. After that, we all head back to the house for pie.
And it's the best apple pie I've ever tasted.
"Everybody get straight to sleep," Cadance says once we've all finished our pie. "I'll be getting you all up early in the morning. We've got a lot to do."
We all head back out to the tents. Everybody is sleeping in their clothes. Pinkie seems like she wants to goof around for a bit—not sexually, but "fun camping with friends" type—but Twilight tells her to go to sleep, because tomorrow's going to be hard work.
As we're all settling in, I say, "So...this weekend, one way or another, we'll find out who Fluttershy really is."
"Yeah," Twilight agrees softly, cuddling Spike.
"What...what do we do with her if, y'know...she's Eris?" Pinkie asks.
I sigh. "I don't know, Pinkie. I don't know."
The soft sounds of leaves rustling in the breeze and animals engaged in their night activities lull us all to sleep.
