Friday, May 13, 2016
Friday, May 13, 2016
Today's Horoscope (Virgo): 0xc00d11cd (0x80004005)
Early Morning
As soon as I wake up, I find Twilight standing outside, looking rumpled and cross.
"There's no water in the dorm," she says.
"Huh?"
She leads me downstairs. Everyone is sitting around, still dressed for bed. Everybody looks grumpy, especially Rarity and Fluttershy.
Shining Armor walks in a moment later. "Just reported it to the city," he says. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "Sorry, kids. Hopefully they'll get it fixed while you're all at school."
"But...we simply mustn't go to school filthy!" Rarity cries.
Pinkie rolls her eyes. "You're not dirty, Rarity. Just...just use some deodorant, spray on some of that toilet water you call perfume, and—"
"Oh crap, toilet water!" Rainbow says suddenly, eyes wide. "We...we can't go to the bathroom either!"
Everyone shifts uncomfortably.
Twilight coughs. "There...there are bathrooms at school," she says. "And I'm pretty sure the cafeteria serves breakfast...doesn't it?"
Cadance shakes her head. "They cut the breakfast program a few years ago." She sighs. "Tell you what, though. You kids head on over to the school, use the bathrooms, freshen up. I'll pick up a couple boxes of donuts and bring them by the school, then Shiny can drive Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle to the middle school."
We all go upstairs to get dressed and ready to leave. I'm halfway through getting dressed when I hear a disgusted yelp from Twilight's room. I rush over to see what's wrong...
"Spike threw up all over the bed!" Twilight complains.
I groan. Looks like it's gonna be one of those days...
Morning
Fortunately, the water at school is working. Unfortunately, there's no toilet paper in any of the bathrooms because some asshole decided to steal all the toilet paper after school yesterday and use it to TP the horse statue out front.
I'm glad I didn't have to shit. I don't like the idea of using paper towels to wipe...
During homeroom, Mr. Turner somehow manages to KO himself with his conquistador helmet.
Lunch
At lunch, all the girls are moody, surly, and disheveled. Also, the cafeteria isn't offering its usual selection of healthy, delicious foods today. Instead, they're dishing up this unidentifiable brownish slop on stale toast. Apparently, the refrigerators failed last night, and this is all that's left...
"I want this day to be over," Rainbow complains.
"You an' me both, sugarcube," Applejack says glumly, poking at her lunch. "An' jes' whut th' hell is this crap?"
Twilight pushes her tray away. "It doesn't taste right," she says.
I take one bite, then grab my napkin and spit it out. "Ugh! There's no way in hell I'm eating this."
Nobody at our table eats the mystery slop. All around the cafeteria, I can see other students either halfheartedly eating, or getting up and dumping their trays. Only a few people seem to be interested in eating it.
Afternoon
During sixth period, a lot of kids look like they're not feeling very well.
Near the end of sixth period, we hear sirens outside.
By the end of the day, word is going around that the stuff they served at lunch was...not exactly safe to eat.
After School
Tennis practice...
Four members of the team are absent, having either gone home or to the hospital with food poisoning.
I manage to break my racket. Coco trips over an untied shoelace and gets a nasty cut on her forehead. A tennis ball hits Pinkie square in the boob. One of the other guys takes a service straight to the nuts.
Evening
"Owie, it still hurts," Pinkie complains while we're walking back to the dorm.
When we get there, we find the others waiting around outside. The security system is screaming its high-pitched, piercing electronic alarm.
The alarm shuts off, and Cadance walks out, looking frazzled.
"What's up with the alarm?" Rainbow asks.
Cadance sighs. "One of the workers managed to set off the system," she says. She looks around at us. "Okay kids, here's the deal. The water won't be fixed until tomorrow. I asked Celestia and Luna to look after all your pets for a day or two; Luna just picked them all up a half hour ago. Everybody go in and pack an overnight bag. We're all staying at a hotel tonight." She sighs. "Once you get checked in and cleaned up, just...just order whatever you want delivered for dinner. Flash, can you drive? I'm tired."
I nod.
"Is everything okay?" Twilight asks.
Cadance sighs again. "It's been one fucking thing after another today and I really did not need to deal with this shit," she says. "I just want a hot bath and a warm bed and my husband next to me and something to get the stench of puke out of my nose."
We all wince at that.
"Yeah, today...really sucked a big fat cow dick," Rainbow says.
"Cows don't have dicks," Twilight says absently.
"Whatever."
We all pile into the SUVs after packing a bag and head for the hotel. Fortunately, no more disasters happen, and by the time night falls, Twilight and I are snuggled safely in a slightly musty-smelling hotel bed with a greasy delivery pizza, watching basic cable on an old standard-def TV.
