Sunday, May 22, 2016

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JUNE
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Birthday Horoscope (Gemini): You are going to die today.

Morning

Since we were all up late last night, most of us don't get up until almost nine.

Silver Spoon's dad came by to pick her up at half past eight. At nine, the rest of us, showered and dressed in comfortable, casual clothes, gather in the living room, where Cadance and Shining Armor are having coffee with Big Macintosh and Granny Smith, who apparently arrived at around the same time Silver Spoon left.

"Good morning, Granny!" Twilight says cheerfully. "Good morning, Big Macintosh!"

"Well howdy!" Granny says. "It's good t' see y'all yung'uns again!"

"Eeyup," Big Mac says.

Apple Bloom rushes over and hugs her granny and her brother. "Ah'm so glad y'all let me have mah birthday in town!"

Granny chuckles. "Well shucks now, Apple Bloom! It's yer birthday, if'n you wanna do it here in town instead'a out at th' farm, that's fine with us!" She grins. "Besides, it's nice t' git inta th' city once in a while t' have some fun!"

"Eeyup," Big Mac agrees heartily.

"So what is the big plan for today?" Rainbow Dash asks. "You've been keepin' this whole thing secret all this time. What're we even doin' today?"

Apple Bloom grins and turns to Applejack, who chuckles. "Well," Applejack says, "Ah guess it's time t' let everybody in on th' plans me an' Nurse Cadance made fer today, since Apple Bloom wanted this t' be a surprise fer everybody else."

"I'm more than a little curious myself," Shining Armor says. "Cadance won't even tell me where we're going today."

We all laugh. "Okay, okay," Applejack says. "Cadance, you wanna do the honors?"

"Okay," Cadance says. "The first thing we're doing is letting Apple Bloom open her presents here at the dorm. Then we're going out to breakfast at that all-day breakfast buffet, since nobody here's eaten yet except Big Mac and Granny Smith. After that..." She takes a deep breath and glances nervously at Shining Armor. "After that, we've reserved the party room at Onchi Karaoke for the entire day."

Shining Armor makes a stuck noise and starts to sweat. "Ka-karaoke?"

"Oh, I love that place!" Pinkie says. "We haven't been in forever!"

"Ooh, karaoke!" Sweetie Belle squeaks. "I love karaoke!"

"Heh, that sounds like fun," Rainbow says.

"Okay everyone! Round up your presents for Apple Bloom," Cadance says.

Apple Bloom sits down and chats with Granny Smith and Big Mac while the rest of us go upstairs. As Twilight and I are making our way up, I quietly ask, "What's up with your brother? He wigged out when Cadance mentioned karaoke."

Twilight pulls a pained grimace. "Back in high school, Shining Armor had a...problem."

"A problem with karaoke?"

"You'll see..."

Several minutes later, we're all gathered in the lounge, and Apple Bloom has a pile of presents in front of her. Her eyes light up with excitement as she looks over the haul.

"Well, go on now!" Applejack says. "Start openin'!"

The first present Apple Bloom picks off the pile is a really cute pair of pink tennis shoes with purple laces and glittery rhinestone hearts on the sides. She gasps as she looks them over, then looks at Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle smiles. "Yeah, I went back and got them for you."

"Thanks, Sweetie Belle!" Apple Bloom immediately changes into the new shoes and gets up to walk around in them.

The next box Apple Bloom picks off the pile is wrapped in shimmery white paper and tied with a violet ribbon. "Bet that's from Rarity," Rainbow says. We all laugh.

Apple Bloom undoes the ribbon and rips off the wrapping, revealing a fancy box from one of the trendier department stores at the mall. She opens it, looks inside, and blushes furiously. "Uhh..."

"What is it?" Sweetie Belle asks excitedly. She peers into the box, blinks, and groans. "Rarity! Seriously?!"

"Whutcha got there?" Applejack asks, walking over to look. She looks into the box and frowns, her brow scrunching up. "Oh, fer th' love of..."

"So what IS it?" Rainbow asks.

Blushing, Apple Bloom reaches in and pulls out a dark pink bra with white lace trim. "It's...a whole buncha these," she says.

Some awkward coughing and side glances follow this pronouncement.

Rarity raises an eyebrow. "What? You're maturing, and to be frank, the sooner you start caring for your body, the better."

Sweetie Belle groans, facepalming. "She pulled this on me too."

Rarity arches an eyebrow. "And was I wrong?"

Sweetie Belle sighs. "No...you were right."

Cadance coughs. "Maybe...open something else now?"

Most of Apple Bloom's presents are practical things, cute things, or practical and cute things. Applejack got her two new pairs of jeans. Granny Smith and Big Mac gave her a new hunter green backpack with a big apple-shaped clasp. Sonata gave her an assortment of different hair bows and beaded ties so she can change up her look if she ever gets bored with wearing the same bow all the time. Pinkie Pie got her a big stack of shoujo manga. Fluttershy got her a new phone case and a pack of glitter pens. Cadance and Shining Armor got her a new pair of high-fidelity headphones in fire truck red. Rainbow got her a gift card for online music downloads. Twilight and I went in together on ours: a new grown-up wallet with lots of pockets and things. As she looks it over, I say, "Look inside it."

Apple Bloom looks around inside the wallet and gasps as she pulls out $100 in cash. I smile.

"Wow," she says. "Th...thanks, y'all..."

"Now you spend that money careful-like, Apple Bloom," Big Mac says. "Don't go blowin' it all quick-like."

"Ah won't," Apple Bloom promises. She looks around at us. "Thank y'all so much!"

"Okay, Sweetie Belle?" Cadance says. "Why don't you and Applejack help Apple Bloom take all this upstairs while the rest of us clean up?"

Working quickly, we all clean up the lounge while Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Applejack take the presents upstairs. Once everything's tidied up, we head out to the breakfast buffet.

All through breakfast, we make light, cheerful conversation amongst ourselves and with the visiting Apples. All the while, there's an undercurrent of tension: at any minute, we could all be sucked into Zodiac...

Daytime

After breakfast, we all head over to Onchi Karaoke. I haven't been back here in ages...

"Are you gonna be okay with this, Sonata?" Pinkie asks.

Sonata nods and gives her a thumbs-up.

It doesn't bother me anymore that I can't sing. Besides, watching you all will be fun!

On the top floor, there are four large party rooms which have to be reserved for either a half-day or full-day in advance. Cadance reserved one of them for all day today; we arrive just as the place is opening up.

"Mmnow, now, this here's a right fancy-fangled place," Granny Smith says as Cadance talks to the pretty, bored receptionist. "Err...now, whutsit we're doin' here again?"

"It's karaoke, Granny!"

"Well now," Granny Smith says, looking around dubiously. "Ah don't rightly know whut they want us t' carry or where they want us t' carry it to...if'n you wanted t' carry stuff for your birthday—"

Applejack chuckles. "Granny, karaoke is Neighponese fer singin' like an idjit in front of everybody."

"Oh." Granny's wrinkled mouth works for a minute.

"You'll see!" Apple Bloom says. Cadance walks back over to us, and we head upstairs to the third floor. The Apple family takes the elevator, while the rest of us walk up.

The party room is similar to the room we rented back in January, except much larger, with a long, padded sofa/bench that takes up more than half the room, and a stage where four or five people can get up and sing at once. The table in the room is much larger and has four touch-ordering stations, as well as three touchscreens that rise out of the table which display the entire song catalog.

Granny Smith looks at all the touchscreens all over the place and grimaces. "Consarned newfangled doohickeys..."

"Don't worry about it, Granny, Ah'll help ya git whutever you need," Applejack says. "An' anything you wanna sing—"

"Ah ain't gonna sing," Granny Smith says. "Y'all don't wanna hear these ol' pipes, believe you me."

"EeYUP!" Big Mac agrees heartily. We all laugh.

As we all start sitting down, I notice Shining Armor is getting twitchy. He almost looks like a recovering alcoholic in a bar...

"I get to go first!" Apple Bloom says. She bounds up to the stage, goes through the catalog for a minute, and selects that song everybody got sick of six years ago.

"Oh, so that's what this place is!" Granny says. "Yep, yep, Ah reckon Ah done seen folks doin' this on th' TV!"

While Apple Bloom sings, Cadance orders appetizers and drinks for the table. Apple Bloom doesn't do a half-bad job; we all applaud her when she's done. She walks down and hands Sweetie Belle the microphone. "Here, you do one next! You've got th' best voice here!"

Sweetie Belle blushes. "Oh...well..."

"Go on, Sweetie Belle!" Twilight says cheerfully.

"Well...okay!" Sweetie Belle accepts the microphone and walks up to the stage. "Umm...do you mind if I pick a show tune? I...I only really like show tunes and stuff..."

"Sing whatever you like, Sweetie Belle," Rarity says.

"Okay." Sweetie Belle goes through the catalog, then steps back from the screen with her microphone. The music starts, and Sweetie Belle sings that one song from that one movie. She really nails it—for all her squeaking and cracking, she can belt out a hell of a tune. She gets a huge round of applause when she's done; she blushes and puts down the mic, then scurries back to the table.

"That was wonderful, Sweetie Belle!" Cadance says. She glances over at Shining Armor and rolls her eyes. "Go on. Before you explode or something."

"YES!" Shining Armor jumps OVER the table and hits the stage. It doesn't even take him two seconds to pick his song.

Twilight facepalms. "Oh brother..."

Shining Armor picks up the microphone, takes a deep breath, and...

"You've got the TOUCH! You've got the POWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! YEAH!"

"Oh...my," Rarity says. We all stare, wide-eyed, at Shining Armor as he VERY energetically performs. He looks like a one-man hair metal band up there. Rainbow Dash lets out fresh peals of laughter and cheers him on. Twilight buries her face in her hands and sinks down low in the booth.

"This," Cadance says flatly. "This is why we stopped going to karaoke back when we were dating."

"You knew about this and you still married him?" Fluttershy asks. "Just how good is he in bed?"

"FLUTTERSHY!" Twilight wails.

Once Shining Armor is done, it looks like he's about to select another song, but Twilight scrambles out of the booth and grabs the microphone away. "O-KAY! I think we need to let Flash go next."

"Me?"

"Of course you! You're the only actual musician here!"

"HEY!" Rainbow protests. "I'm a musician too, y'know!"

I used to be a musician!

I roll my eyes. "Okay, okay." I walk up to the stage and start looking through the catalog. While I'm searching, two waitresses come in, carrying the first round of drinks and two huge platters of nachos. Nothing catches my eye immediately, so I put it on shuffle. I end up with a slow, groovy soul song from the eighties. I've only heard this song a few times in my life, but I do the best I can with it.

When I'm done, Granny Smith asks, "So is that how you wooed this here filly? Singin' all good like that?"

I shrug. "I'm really more of a guitar player than a singer."

"Well Ah think Big Mac should go up next!" Apple Bloom says.

"Yeah! Keep the bro train rolling!" Pinkie agrees.

Big Mac looks around the table nervously. "Uhh..."

"Oh come on now, Big Mac," Applejack says. "Ah hear you singin' out in th' orchard some days, especially when th' weather's good. Ah know you like t' sing."

Big Mac ducks his head. "Well...yeah...dunno 'bout in front'a folks though."

"Oh, go ahead!" Cadance says, laughing. "If my husband can make a total ass of himself and not want to hide in a hole forever, I think you can sing one song!"

"Yeah!" Shining Armor says. Then, "Wait...what?"

Big Mac shrugs. "Well...shoot. Alright." He gets up and walks up to the stage, frowning at the selection. "Gotta find th' country in this thing..."

To everybody's surprise, Big Mac picks the most off-the-wall country song any of us have ever heard.

"That's...some song," Cadance says, blinking. The rest of us are either laughing or shellshocked. Big Mac returns to the table when he's done, blushing furiously.

"My turn!" Pinkie says. She puts it on shuffle and ends up with an incredibly silly-sounding Neighponese song with an equally silly video playing on the video wall behind her.

"Ah can't understand one word she's sayin'," Granny says.

"Neither can she," Twilight says.

"That's some mighty fine pickin', though."

"Eeyup."

At everyone's insistence, Fluttershy goes up next. As soon as Fluttershy's song starts, Rainbow falls out on the floor laughing. Twilight and I share a sickly grimace.

"How astonishingly apropos," Rarity remarks drolly.

When Fluttershy's done, she taps the screen a few times, then walks down and hands the microphone to Rainbow. "Here," she says. "I've already picked a song for you and everything."

"Uhh...okay," Rainbow says. She walks up to the stage. Her feet have barely touched it when the song starts playing. "Oh crap," she mutters.

"Oh dear God," I say, snickering. Fluttershy smirks and tosses her hair.

"Wow, Fluttershy, you really are a bitch," Apple Bloom says, impressed.

Rainbow...tries. She really does. But mostly she just trips and stumbles over the most impossible song to sing in history. She's fairly good-natured about it, though, grinning as she finishes and steps down. She flips Fluttershy off and sticks her tongue out at her as she sits back down.

"Okay, your turn, Applejack," Apple Bloom says, laughing.

"Shoot," Applejack says, shaking her head. She goes up and studies the song list for a minute, scratching her head. "Well...Ah do kinda like that one," she muses. Shrugging, she chooses her song and waits for it to start. It turns out to be one of the few country songs I actually like, and Applejack surprisingly nails it, leaving us all speechless. When she's done, we all applaud.

"Wow, AJ!" Rainbow says. "I had no idea you could sing like that!"

"Me neither," Applejack says, blushing and tipping her hat down. "Ah dunno where th' heck that came from."

"Let's see...who hasn't gone yet?" Twilight asks.

"You, Rarity, and Cadance," I say.

"Why don't the three of us do one together?" Cadance suggests with a smile. "I know just the song, too."

Twilight, Rarity, and Cadance go up to the stage. Cadance punches in her song selection while the others grab microphones and wait anxiously. Just before the song starts, Cadance says, "Hey Pinkie, why don't you join us? I forgot this one needs four people."

"Okay!" Pinkie rushes up onto the stage just as an all-too-familiar song pounds out over the speakers. Rarity gives Cadance a death glare, but shakes her head and starts harmonizing with the others. Twilight looks mortified when she realizes what they're singing.

So does Shining Armor.

I don't blame him. What the HELL, Cadance.

The girls do a great job with the song, and even get into some suggestive dancing. When they're done, the rest of us...aren't sure whether to applaud or not, for a number of reasons.

"Uhh...why don't Ah go again next?" Apple Bloom suggests. As the other four girls sit down, she goes up to the stage and picks yet another insipid and derivative pop song. When she's done, Shining Armor runs up to the stage, a determined look on his face.

"I hate that song," he says. "It ripped off one of my favorite songs ever."

Which he immediately queues up.

"You have to admit he has a point," Fluttershy says.

When he's done, Apple Bloom turns to Sweetie Belle. "Your turn!"

Sweetie shakes her head. "I'll wait," she says. "I'm honestly having more fun watching you all sing."

"Flash, why don't you and Twilight do a duet?" Cadance suggests.

"Eep!" Twilight squeaks.

I grin. "That's a great idea, and I know just the song." I take Twilight's hand and lead her out of the booth.

"Ugh," I hear Rainbow mutter. "This is gonna be some sappy, mushy love ballad junk."

I motion Twilight over to the screen and point at the song I'm selecting. She blinks. "Are you serious?" she whispers.

I grin. "It's the complete opposite of what they're expecting."

Twilight giggles. "Well...okay!" She grabs her microphone as I select the song. As soon as it starts up, Sonata starts giggling.

"This is something we should be singing," I hear Cadance mutter to Shining Armor.

"OUCH! Low blow, Cadance!" Shining Armor retorts. Cadance rolls her eyes and stuffs a nacho in his mouth.

"Somethin' y'all wanna tell us?" Applejack asks with a raised eyebrow when we finish singing.

I laugh and shake my head. "Nah, we're just messing—

Elsewhere...