Tuesday, July 5, 2016

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Today's Horoscope (Virgo): Wherever you go, there you are.

Early Morning

I didn't sleep well last night. All I could think about was how sad Sunset Shimmer looked before she went upstairs.

"I guess...I guess we can't be friends if...if you have to try to kill me..."

I don't know why, but those words, and her face when she said them, drained every drop of hatred I had for her right out of me, leaving me feeling hollow and cold.

I glance at my clock. It's almost seven in the morning. Twilight's parents are going home in a couple of hours. I get up, throw on some shorts and a T-shirt, and cross the hall to Twilight's room. I knock; it's almost a minute before the door unlocks and opens. Twilight's dressed in shorts and a T-shirt as well, and looks rumpled and puffy. She looks me up and down. "Couldn't sleep either, huh?"

I shake my head. Twilight steps out of the door and lets me in, then closes it behind me.

I sit down on her bed; she sits next to me, wrapping her arms around me. I pull her close and let out a heavy, depressed sigh. "Is it weird," I start, "that I just don't hate her anymore?"

Twilight sighs. "I don't know," she says. "I want to still hate her for everything she's done, and...and there are things I'll never forgive her for, but right now I just feel..." She shakes her head. "I don't know how I feel." She buries her face in her hands. "I just want all this to be over," she moans. "I want to worry about graduation and college and the fact that I'm about to be an aunt, I want to have fun with my friends and go on dates with you and daydream about our future. I don't want all...all this hanging over me anymore. Zodiac, Sunset, all of it. I just want it gone."

"Me too," I say. "But I don't..." I swallow a lump in my throat. "I don't think I can...I mean..."

"I know," Twilight says. "All night long I kept...kept imagining myself just running her through with my sword, and every time I saw her fall to the ground dead, I cried. Not because it was over, but...but because it felt wrong." She sniffles. "I don't know how everybody else feels, but...I don't know if I can do it. No," she amends, "I can't do it. Even after everything she's done to us, I...I can't kill Sunset Shimmer."

"I don't want her dead at all," I say numbly. "I..." I look at my hands, which are shaking.

There's another knock at the door. Twilight gets up and opens it. It's Pinkie.

Pinkie walks in and sits on the bed on my left; Twilight sits on my right. Pinkie doesn't say anything. She just starts crying. This sets Twilight off, and after a little while, I think I'm crying too.

We don't say anything. We just sit there holding each other until we're wrung out.

Daytime

After Twilight's parents leave, everybody except Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Sunset Shimmer gathers together in the lounge. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle went off to see a movie with Scootaloo and Silver Spoon; nobody's seen Sunset Shimmer all day.

We're all physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted after yesterday. Nevertheless, we have important matters to discuss in light of last night's conversation.

Cadance leads the discussion, telling the others what she told us, what she, Shining Armor, and Sunset talked about. Twilight, Pinkie, and I talk about our conversation earlier.

"So...we've got two options," Rainbow says. "Let Sunset live, and we keep dealing with this Zodiac crap forever. Or kill her, and it all goes away."

"Possibly all goes away," Cadance admonishes. "All we know for sure is that somehow, she's the key."

"Then it's settled," Fluttershy says. "We kill her."

"Nothing is settled," I say. I look around at the others. "Look. We all know what she's done. We all know she doesn't deserve an ounce of compassion or forgiveness. But..." I take a deep breath. "Killing Sunset Shimmer isn't an option."

"It kind of is," Rainbow says, but her eyes are full of doubt.

"No, it isn't," Twilight says with a sigh. "Look, I don't want to defend Sunset Shimmer, but...I don't have it in me to kill her." She looks down at her lap. "I've been thinking, and...I think she's just as much a victim as we are." She looks around at everyone. "She's being used, don't you see? Sure, she has issues. She's not a good person. She's probably brought a lot of this on herself. But when you think about it..." She looks at Fluttershy.

So do the rest of us.

Fluttershy scowls. "Don't say it," she says. "I'm getting really sick of you guys saying it."

"But...well...dammit all, it's true," Applejack says. "Look, Ah came inta this whole mess mighty late, but if even half'a whut they said about how you useta be is true, you're kinda th' same color horse as Sunset. Everybody gave you a second chance."

A deafening silence follows that statement.

Fluttershy lets out a long, hissing breath. "Fuck,", she spits venomously. She crosses her arms. "Okay, fine. We don't kill Sunset. But don't fucking expect me to make friends with her. I hate her. I will never stop hating her."

"You don't have to like her," Twilight says gently. "You just have to help us find a way to put an end to Zodiac that doesn't involve killing Sunset Shimmer."

Fluttershy groans. "That means I'll have to work with her," she grumbles. "She knows Zodiac better than I do."

Shining Armor scratches his head, a puzzled frown on his face. "Isn't the best way to end all this just to shut down Canterbook?" he asks. "Destroy the server? I mean, Zodiac can't exist without Canterbook, right?"

"That's not an option anymore," a soft, melancholy voice intrudes.

We all look up to see Sunset Shimmer, who's standing just inside the entrance to the lounge, a defeated look on her face.

"What do you mean?" Twilight asks.

Sunset sighs. "I just broke into CHS and smashed the server," she says. "Canterbook didn't even glitch."

We all check our phones. It's true...Canterbook is still going strong.

"But how...?!" Cadance cries.

Sunset sits down and scrubs her hands through her hair. "The server at the school is a mirror," she says. "So is the one at CJHS. I even checked the one at my house. It's not online at all."

"So...what does that mean?" Shining Armor asks.

"It means we can't shut Canterbook down unless we find and shut down every last server," Fluttershy says, her phone out and working furiously. Her eyes grow progressively wider, her face drawing tight and her mouth setting into a grim line. "Fuck," she spits.

"What is it?" I ask.

Fluttershy snarls and throws her phone across the room. "Fifty," she spits. "There are fifty servers. Any one of them could be where Zodiac is hiding."

"ALL of them could be running Zodiac," Sunset corrects, folding dejectedly into a chair. "And did you notice the server names?"

"Yeah," Fluttershy grunts. "Every single one of them begins with 'RF'."

"Red Flag," Twilight mutters, facepalming.

"We've all been played," Rainbow grumbles. "Even Slutset."

"Yeah, even me," Sunset says, grimacing. "I thought I was the queen of Canterlot, but—"

"You are," Twilight says. "In chess terms. The most powerful piece on the board, but capturing you doesn't automatically checkmate the king."

"So...what do we do?" Pinkie asks. Everybody turns to me.

I shrug. "I don't know," I say.

"Don't you?" Sunset asks tiredly. "You already know what you have to do. Kill me and you kill Zodiac."

"We're not killing you," I say firmly. "There has to be another way."

A long, uncomfortable, heavy silence descends upon the group.

"Right now," Cadance says, "I think we all need to take some time to rest and think. We're all wrung out from yesterday, I don't think any of us can think clearly right now. We just...we need to rest. We can figure out what our next move is when we're not as worn out and upset."

"I agree," Shining Armor says, taking Cadance's hand and squeezing it. "Making snap decisions about something this major is...it's a bad idea." He looks around the room. "Besides, you all look terrible. Go get some sleep or something."

"Yeah, that's a fine idea," Applejack says, standing and stretching. "Think Ah'm gonna hole up in mah room fer th' rest of th' day. See y'all tomorrow."

"Likewise," Rarity agrees, also standing.

One by one, we all stand up and go our separate ways, except for Twilight and Pinkie, who follow me to my room. The only one who doesn't leave the lounge is Sunset Shimmer.

Evening

It's late...

Twilight and Pinkie haven't left my side all day. The three of us are watching something I'm not even really paying attention to on TV and stuffing junk food into our faces. The door's open.

"Hey guys," Sunset Shimmer says from the doorway. We all look up. She's obviously been crying...

She steps in, scratching her right arm with her left hand, her eyes downcast. "Listen, I..." She pauses. "I...just wanted to say I'm sorry. For everything.

"Twilight, I'm sorry I've harassed you for so long. It's...I was mad because you were so much better than me at everything. I've always tried so hard to be perfect, and I thought I was the best, and then I always came in second to you on exams and..." Sunset sighs. "I just couldn't deal with being second best, and I...I'm sorry.

"Pinkie, I should never have done the horrible things I did to you. You shouldn't be on the outs with your family when all you were doing was trying to be yourself." Sunset laughs a soft, self-depreciating laugh. "God, I'm such a hypocrite. All I want to do is be myself, and here I made you suffer for the same thing."

She turns to me. "Flash, I...I'm sorry I did...what I did to you." She shuffles awkwardly. "It was...I was trying to make Twilight jealous, I think? I dunno. I guess I just did it to hurt you guys because I was jealous of the two of you. Not...not that I'm jealous over you personally, don't get me wrong, I'm not really into you like that, it's..." She sighs. "I was jealous of what the two of you have. You're so much in love and it's so obvious, and...and I don't know if I'll ever have that, and..." She crumples to the ground. "God, I'm a horrible person."

Twilight and Pinkie exchange glances, then look to me. I sigh, stand up, and walk over to Sunset, crouching down to look her in the eyes. "Sunset, I..." I pause. "Honestly? I don't think we can ever forgive you for the things you've done."

Sunset sniffles. "I know."

"But," I add, tilting her face up. "I think there might be a chance we can start over. If you're really serious, if you really want to be a better person, if you really want friends—"

"I do!" she exclaims. "That's...that's all I really want. That's the one thing I've never had. Friends."

I nod. "I'm not making any promises, but...I think we can try." I look back at Twilight and Pinkie.

Twilight nods. "None of us really want to see you die," Twilight says. "None of us want to have to...to have to kill you. I think...I think mostly I feel pity for you." She looks down. "That's not the same as friendship, but maybe it...maybe it's a start." She looks at Pinkie.

Pinkie shrugs. "I don't really have it in me to hate anybody," she says. "I thought I hated my parents, I thought I hated you..." She shakes her head and sighs. "I don't, really. I'm just not the kind of person that can really, truly hate."

Sunset sniffles and wipes her eyes. "I'll take what I can get," she says hoarsely. "Thank you." I help her up, and she turns to leave.

"Hey, Sunset?" Twilight says.

"Yeah?" Sunset replies, turning around.

Twilight pats the bed on her left, in the space opposite where I was sitting. "Come watch TV with us for a little while."

Sunset offers a half-smile. "Sure."

The four of us spend the rest of the evening watching TV together, not talking much.