Friday, July 15, 2016
Friday, July 15, 2016
Today's Horoscope (Virgo): Home is where the heart is.
Daytime
I didn't sleep much last night. I couldn't get to sleep, and every time I did drift off, it was only for ten or fifteen nightmare-wracked minutes. By the time the sun rose this morning, I was in that awful half-awake, half-asleep state where your nightmares and reality sort of blend together.
Mom probably figured I wouldn't bother taking care of myself after what happened yesterday, because at just past eight, room service showed up with a breakfast spread for me. I ate listlessly, barely tasting anything, then took a shower because I stank from sweating all night.
Now, I'm just lying on the bed, feeling empty and wrung out. Dad's coming in later today...
My phone rings. I glance at the screen. It's Cadance...
I answer. "Yeah?"
//Hey Flash. How are you holding up?//
"What do you care? You kicked me out of the dorm."
//Flash,// Cadance says sharply, //I care about you! I care about all of you! Look...the reason I asked you to leave the dorm is because you and Twilight need space from each other until this whole thing cools down, okay? Sorta like how I moved into the dorm to get away from Shiny for a bit back when we were having that bad fight. Remember that?//
I frown. "Yeah..."
//Look, I won't lie. A lot of the girls are pissed at you right now. I can't say I blame them, but...I understand what you're going through.// A rueful chuckle. //I understand better than anyone. Everyone you care about...you've broken their trust in you and it sucks. I know it sucks.// She sighs. //I couldn't sleep last night, I was so worried about you and Twilight. I hope...I hope you can make up with her, with the other girls. I hope you can...can move past this. I don't want this to be the end for you and Twilight. You hurt her and you hurt her bad, but she's not totally blameless here either.//
A long pause.
//I've gotta go, but we'll talk again later, okay? Take care.//
"Yeah...thanks."
The Mi Amore Cadenza Social Link of the Lovers Arcana has been repaired.
I flop back onto the bed. Right now, I just don't want to feel anything...
Evening
"Flash? Flash, are you awake?"
I sit up, groaning. Mom's pounding on the door...
Sighing, I get up and cross over to the door, unlocking it. Mom and Dad are there, carrying an extra-large pizza and a bunch of other stuff. Both of them look concerned. "Hey," I say tonelessly.
"Hey," Dad says. He shuffles awkwardly. "Your mom filled me in," he continues. "Things are pretty rough right now, huh?"
I sigh. "Yeah." I step out of the way to let them in, then close the door. Mom starts digging out cups and paper plates and dipping sticks and things while Dad sits down in one of the chairs in the room.
Dad sighs. "Now, Flash...you know we made this move to Canterlot to support you, right? Because this is where you said you wanted to be. Where all your friends are."
I look down miserably. "Yeah..."
"It just seems to me that ruining all your friendships is a pretty bad—"
"I know," I interrupt. "I know!" I throw my hands up. "Look, I...I'm gonna try to patch things up with the girls, alright? I can't just...I can't just lose my friends. Not after everything we've all been through together." I look down at my lap, feeling tears prick at my eyes. "I can't live without them." I sigh. "I just...I need to figure out how to fix this."
Mom puts pizza and sides in front of me. I take a bite listlessly, not really tasting it.
"Cadance called me this morning," I say after a little bit. "She wants things to be okay again too. I think...I think if I can just figure out how to get the girls to trust me again..." I sigh. "Twilight though, I dunno. That's a different matter. She may never trust me again. I'm not holding out hope for us getting back together."
Mom sighs. "Flash, that girl loves you. You know that, right? She really does. Love doesn't...one mistake, no matter how stupid it is, doesn't make love go away. If...if you're honest with her, and you both sit down and talk once she's ready to listen, I think you can get past this. I really do." She frowns. "I hope, anyway. If not, well..."
"Right now I'll settle for her not hating me for the rest of her life," I say miserably.
"I still don't understand why you went and did this," Dad says.
I sigh. "I don't either," I say. "I was angry. We had a fight. Twilight started...started freaking out on me out of nowhere. And I knew how to hurt her, I knew...I knew just what to do to..." My voice trails off. I bury my head in my hands.
Mom and Dad are quiet for a long minute. "Yeah," Dad says hoarsely. "People who really love each other know...know how to hurt each other the worst of all."
I look up, my eyes blurry from unshed tears. Dad looks uncomfortable. "I, uhh...I was engaged before I met your mother," he says. "It, uhh..." He shifts awkwardly in his chair.
"Their break-up nearly cost your father his career," Mom says. "Hell, he almost ended up in prison."
"At least she can finally walk again," Dad says roughly.
Mom glances at him sharply. "You've been in contact with her?"
"No," Dad says. "I just...I keep tabs on her. Internet, you know? There's no way I'd ever..."
Mom sighs. "I suppose not."
I stare at them, slack-jawed. "What?"
"You don't need to know the details," Dad says harshly, his eyes dark. "The point is, revenge sex after a fight is far from the worst way to hurt somebody you love. Hell, it isn't even a blip on the radar."
"Oh, it's a blip," Mom says. "It's a pretty big blip."
I laugh self-reproachfully. "For Twilight, it's THE blip," I say. "Because me acting like Cadance is exactly what she was most afraid of, and it's exactly what I did."
Dad frowns. "Well...Twilight seems like the kind of girl who'll eventually forgive you, but it might take a while to win her trust back."
"Just...just be honest with her, Flash," Mom advises. "But give her some time. Don't rush it. And you need time too."
I sigh. "Yeah. I've been thinking about that all day. Before...before I try to patch things up with Twilight, I need to...I need to talk to the other girls, make things right with them."
"Really?" Dad asks. "The other girls at the dorm, getting back in their good graces is more important to you than making up with the girl you love?"
I shake my head. "It isn't like that," I say. "It's more..." I swallow. "It's more like...I can't face Twilight if I don't have their support."
After that, we finish dinner in relative, awkward silence. Tomorrow, Mom and Dad are going to deal with stuff related to the move...
Tomorrow, I'm going to start trying to get my friends back. Starting with Pinkie.
